The Monstro Blog: New Summer Hours!

I'm forseeing some chaotic and horrible decline in summer readership, mainly because most of the faithful no longer have the drudgery of Whitman forcing them into the bleak entertainment that is The Monstro blog. You're all out there having life-changing summer experiences I'm sure. Take faithful reader number #223, Hans Percival Bengtson. He's going back to the summer camp that we worked at last summer, only with a few slight changes in the already strict rules for the counselors. Hans described it as "Fascist Italy circa 1940." Why Hans chose Italy and not the stock fascist state of Germany is anyone's guess, but I assume it is because the camp will still have plenty of spaghetti and breadsticks, and the perimeter of the camp is somewhat shaped like a boot.

On a more serious note; I have discovered the universal theory of existence that most closely aligns with my intrisic belief system. I won't detail it for you because it is somewhat complicated and requires the reading of a short story that outlines the theory in metaphor, but just feel elation in that I am now fully satisfied as a human being. While you may not embrace these ideas as I have, the system doesn't need to be accepted by the masses in order for its truth to be known. When I discovered this system I contemplated briefly becoming a sort of prophet, but I thought the idea of hordes of devoted followers a little too overwhelming. I chose instead the satisfied path of silence, since you are part of the system whether you know it or not.
So worry not about whether to get Domino's Pizza or Pizza Hut, for in fact they are both part of the same elaborate interstellar system. What is important is that you EAT the pizza, for the enjoyment is what brings fulfillment.