legacies, moths, and memory loss

the other day I sat silently in my friends car as we drove back from a memorial day family camp at Tawonga. Instead of playing music we were listening to a tape of my friends grandfather talking while sitting on the toilet. The grandfather had died earlier that week which made everything into a more heightened reality. The tapes consisted of observations on life and his own person and were very existential and self-referential. They provided a snapshot of a man who was not famous but to me was existing on the same medium as paul mccartney and bruce springsteen. what if we all bought cassette recorders and blank tapes and just talked about life while on the can every day or so. This guy didn't start until he was 81 but I think it would be a more fun way of doing like a diary and if done for years transformations would be aweesome to study and such.

My friend told me the other day that I, more than anyone else, make him believe in mysticism and spirituality because time, space, and gravity will bend just to fuck with me. I put my jacket down to do a task and a bucket of water landed on it from on top of a roof. I was at an A's game with 10,000 people (yeah they are hurtin this year) and talking to my friend when a large moth flew directly into my eyeball. I often am present at the scenes of disasters of some kind. And yet somehow I'm alive, I have made it to 21 years old, so now I can drink myself to death since God himself can't seem to get it done. But before I go I will leave a legacy of 200 hours of tape, ahhaah.

I have this problem where if I am not around people I begin to forget them even if I have pictures, email, AIM, phone, stories to remember them by. That's what living in the moment will get you, utterly incapable of any long distance connections.

Lately I have been having writers bloc, not that I am a writer, but I can't even compose emails of more than 50 words, chat online substantively, or any of that so pardon this if it blows as I work out the kinks and return to an equilibrium of sorts.