Return to Greatness

The great Ricky Williams is looking at a return to the football field. Last season he retired abruptly from the Miami Dolphins, due in no small part to several marijuana violations. He proceeded to travel India to "find himself." Now Ricky wants to return amidst a lot of noise about the drug policies in the NFL. People are saying that the drug policy for steroids should also apply to all other drugs, including marijuana. Lets go over this step-by-step.

First you have anabolic steroids. Designed to increase muscle mass, the steroids pump your body full of testosterone and make you violent and tempermental. Ever seen a huge football jock pounding some guy's face into the ground because that guy was chewing his gum too loudly? That's steroids baby. I personally don't understand why men take steroids...they make your balls shrink to peas and destroy your sex drive. I can't see liking my own muscles more than sex, but that's just me. I see even less reason for women to take 'roids...they just turn women in to men. The fast track to a happy trail and a Hulk Hogan stash is steroids ladies, so help yourself.

Now, take marijuana. The least violent drug on the planet. The most violence you'll get out of a stoner is in video game form. If Ricky Williams walked onto the football field high as a kite, he would take a snap and go hand the other team the ball, because we should all share. If Ricky wants to smoke up to chill after a game, let the guy. So many people are headhunting for him every day its pretty chill to just sit back and watch Chappelle's Show for 6 hours straight and eat onion rings. The only excuse the NFL has for banning marijuana is that it's illegal...but personally they need to focus on all the wife-beating roid-raging linebackers rather than guys like Ricky who just want to chill out after a game by smoking a joint and finding a park with slides.