A Civil War

All of you adept readers out there who bother to check the comments have undoubtedly seen the "tit-for-tat" that has been going on between Aaron and recently-added contributor Dan Baxter. This most recent post was Dan's first attempt at providing his unique prose to The Monstro, so I encourage all of you out there to bask in the differences of the writing that you will be exposed to on this site rather than criticize it for not being similar.

As the founder and owner of The Monstro Blog, I must step in as a wisened grandfather and stop this in-fighting before it gets out of control. Much like in the days of the Civil War, we find two brothers on opposite sides of the Mason-Dixon line, though in this case the Mason-Dixon is more of a theoretical preference-based psycho-structure. (I dont' know what that string of words means either, I just made it up to sound like a wisened old grendpeppy.)

The army on Aaron's side of the line is rather hap-hazard; they specialize in guerilla tactics with a tendency to go without pantaloons so they don't make that "whooshing" noise when they try to sneak onto a farm and steal chickens. Morale is fairly high in Aaron's encampments, and he is pioneering a "rotating door" policy of enlistment that allows troops to come and go as they please. It makes it a little rough when any sort of organized attack needs to be made, but Aaron tends to go for a "descend from the hills in swarms" strategy anyway, so while training is lacking he gets a lot of numbers from providing plenty of grog. Aaron's units shun weapons and favor instead the longtime strategy of young children to bring their fathers to the ground by attaching to each leg and hanging on for dear life.

To the north are Dan's forces. Dan tends to run his army like a...well, army. Dan sacrifices the mobility of Aaron's "ant hill" style for a more orderly and strategic army. He tends to move his troops in an odd fashion that facilitate for the 8pm showing of 24 each week. Some question Dan's selection of uniform for his troops, but he insists that a fedora tilted over one eye strikes fear into the hearts of his enemies. Dan's secret weapon against Aaron's units is a classical guitar ballad, which tends to lull Aaron's beast-men into a slumber, at which point Dan's army can easily move in a draw penises on their faces.

As good as their armies may be, I have to say that this senseless bickering must stop. I can't run a tight blog-ship if my crew is constantly fighting over the last Squeeze-It. Never mind that I am more insane than Ahab, I must have things my way if this multi-blogger format is going to work. From now on, Aaron is only allowed to post diarrhea-free critiques of French social theories, and Dan can only do photo-blogs of Indonesian glass blowers. This is how it has to be, my friends.