Mopulate.

There is a debate that Matt Jumago and I have been having for a long time that concerns something that shaped the very fabric of our childhoods. This something, this wonderful something, had the power and influence to both educate and corrupt us. They taught us how to read and write, but also to treat the homeless and immigrants poorly. This debate revolves around the nature of the beloved Muppets.

Created by the famous Jim Henson, the Muppets are as American as apple pie. Several generations have grown up watching the Muppets television shows and movies, including Muppets in Space and Sesame Street. Yoda, the beloved Jedi master from Star Wars, was created by Jim Henson, and it could be argued that Yoda is a Muppet. I love Muppets, and Matt loves Muppets. So what is the debate concerning?

The very ESSENCE of the Muppets themselves, my friends. What makes up these wonderful creatures? What gives them their infulence over young minds? Matt, the perpetual academic, has taken a very bland approach to breaking down the nature of Muppets. Matt insists that the name "Muppet" comes from the combination of the words "marionette" and "puppet." His reasoning is that Muppets have features from both toys, so Jim Henson combined the words to create his own unique style of hand contraption that could be used to hypnotize children.

I do not buy so easily into Matt's dictionary-based answers to the Muppet naming mystery. I came up with my own conclusion based on actual observation of the Muppets. I studied their habits and I studied the way they interacted. I studied what they ate and what their moods were. After several hundred hours of observation, watching and re-watching reruns of Sesame Street and the Muppet show, I could not find any distinct pattern in the behavior of the Muppets themselves that would allow me to crack the code of the name "Muppet." In exhaustion, I fell back into my couch and the noise of the television set started to fade into my unconscious and my eyes blurred with sleep. That is when my epiphany came. Staring at the television set with my eyes unfocused I saw the Muppets in a new way. I did not see features or colors, just a jumble of rags bouncing around atop someone's arm. It looked like a mop. Mop + Puppet = Muppet.

Matt will forever disagree with my conclusion, and I will forever disagree with Matt's, so that is why I have chosen to bring it to the world. There are those of you who are logical and precise and you will most likely side with Matt's conclusion. Then there are those of you who choose to look at the world without filters, without distractions, without bias. Those of you who see the world clearly, will see that a Muppet is simply someone using a mop as a puppet.