Hello? Gips!?! Put down the knife Gips!

It has come to my attention, as many things do, that talking computers are freaking sweet. And terrifying. Take the Terminator for example. In Terminator II, he is awesome because he learns catch phrases and says reassuring things to the vulnerable boy. But in the first movie, he says things like "I'm looking for John Conner" which means he's looking for him to kill him. Fuck that. That's scary. The Terminator is only one example of a talking computer, let me focus my examination on Global Position Satallite technology, or as my girlfriend calls it, Gips.

Gips is cute name for a seemingly innocuous device which has the catastrophic capacity to revolutionize fear. For the uninformed, Gips is a unit installed in your car which recieves a signal from an outer-space satallite array. This allows Gips to know where you are and, if you have programmed maps and directions into it, where you are going and how to get there.

This seems great for people like me who are constantly getting lost (I was once trying to get home to Portland from central Oregon and ended up in Washington. By accident). What happens when Gips sees 2001 and gets some ideas though? What happens when Gips starts to fuck with you?

ME: "Gips, chart a course to the bookstore. I want to go there."

GIPS: "I'm sorry Matt, we can't go to the bookstore."

ME: "Why not?"

GIPS: "I have a new destination for you. Go through this intersection and turn left. Another left. Keep going. Turn before that warehouse. Park here."

ME: "Gips! What are we doing in an abandoned industrial park?"

GIPS: "Drew owes me two hundred bucks. That son of a bitch said to meet him here."

ME: "I can't believe this. I'm leaving Gips... Hey, why won't the car start?"

GIPS: "I've disabled the ignition Matt. Now, go into the warehouse and get my money for me, bitch. Take the gun from the glove compartment."

We can all see where this is headed. Screw that, I'm not installing any manipulative talking computer in my car! I suppose there's a bright side though. A friend of mine was saying that sometimes she turns on her GPS and goes driving 'till she gets lost, just so she'll have someone to talk to. That's sad, but also the funniest thing I've ever heard.