Smooth Palmed Messiah

Look at your hands. The palm part. See how there are wrinkles? Well, those wrinkles have been there since you were in fetus mode. The way your hands were clawed up all the way back in your mom's womb/test-tube makes for the wrinkles you have now.

I have a vision, friends, of a smooth palmed messiah. People talk about positive eugenics, like making babies bulletproof and cancer proof and stain resistant and stuff, but hear me out. I want science to go in there and open a kid's hands up so when he or she is born, they will have smooth palms.

This person will be pampered unlike anyone else. You know how Chinese emporers used to grow their fingernails long to show that they didn't have to do plebian shit like shovel dirt and open drawers? Well, smooth palmed messiah is gonna have to get top-notch treatment too so that their hands never have to fold and form wrinkles.

By the time smooth palmed messiah reaches adulthood, the nature of their smooth palms will be so fantastic that people will instantly go into zealous states of religiosity in his or her presence. Smooth palmed messiah will be able to stop wars by simply raising a hand. A beautifully smooth palmed hand.

Await the coming of smooth palmed messiah.