Halloween. The only holiday that allows children to threaten adults with trickery if sweets aren't delivered into pumpkin-shaped plastic bins or pillow cases. Every once in a while you'll see a couple of punk-asses walking around in streetclothes trying to get candy; a couple of teenagers who are too cool for costumes but not too cool for candy. Go smoke a cigarette behind the church or some shit you little bastards. Go get a handjob from your girlfriend, go cook me up a goddamn hamburger at McDonalds. Get out of my face with your candy request. If you even think about smashing my mailbox I will see you in church on Sunday and I will stab you a few times in the back with a syringe. Don't believe me? Well, lets just say that old Ms. Greenwood didn't "faint" in church last week, she decided that she was going to stiff me out of my banana bread at the neighborhood bake sale. Watch your ass you little shits, I am on the fucking prowl.
I've got some nerve damage in my left hand I think. It's numb all the time, like it's asleep. I was worried I was having a heart attack, but then heart attacks don't last for days on end I don't think. I was trying to construct an idea for a Halloween costume based on the truths about my current physical appearance, and "nerve damage in left arm" means I can dress up as Bob Dole. All I need is a cheap suit and a belly full of gin. Obviously my arm is not very useful in creating a costume. I have a buzzed head too, which means any costume involving a uniform is immediately out the door. Looking like a Hitler Youth at a Halloween party would hurt my neighborhood rep.
Any ideas? I need a costume, and I don't have any money. Don't tell me to dress like a hobo, because that's just lazy.
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