Idiot Rock

Once upon a time a bunch of guys were in a basement and they had no girlfriends. These guys were also on a wrestling team and drove pickup trucks. They have about ten half-gallons of vodka to drink and they wanted to party, but there was no music to party to. This is the situation that spawned the genre I like to call idiot rock.

"Big Balls" - AC/DC (1981)
This is one of those gimmicky songs written for idiots. The lead singer of AC/DC, I don't know his name because he isn't important, sings about how big his balls are, and how big the balls are of the people around him. This is a good song for getting pumped up for lifting weights or going to the bar and not picking up chicks. One who likes to think they are smart about music might make the argument that "big balls" could refer to courage or bravery, since one of the lines in the song is "she's got big balls" and hopefully the dude isn't referring to a transvestite, though knowing the shenanigans of bands in the 80's he may very well be. Even if it does refer to courage, it isn't really a big step up. An idiot rock song like this one either 1) makes dudes chug beers because they like to imagine they have a huge sack of nuts or 2) makes dudes chug beers because the song makes them feel like someday they might be brave enough to ask out a girl in real life.

"Bawitdaba" - Kid Rock (1999)
Kid Rock tried to gain rock legitimacy by speaking gibberish and having a sickly looking midget run around on stage and piss his pants. Instead all Kid Rock did was make dating strippers seem like something that you could get away with and still manage to scrape respect out of your peers. I think in the music video Kid Rock had dirt bikes doing jumps over him while he sang the song. I mean, don't get me wrong, I like a good neon green Fox Racing jersey as much as the next guy, but the Kid Rock is singing about trailer parks while fucking DIRT BIKES fly overhead. There is nothing inherently idiotic about dirt, bikes, trailers, parks, kids, or rocks, but when you put all those things together and try to write music you get a bunch of guys blasting that shit on their stereo and trying out WWF moves on each other in the back yard talking about how sweet it is going to be when they are old enough to enlist.

"Any Song Ever Written By" - Def Leppard (Oblivion)
Def Leppard is the epitome of idiot rock. A band that forms out of the desire to be sweet like other bands. A band formed up by obsessive roadies and alcoholics who like to punch holes in the wall when they get riled up because it "makes them feel like they are alive." Def Leppard seriously got their name from the lead singer thinking about how he could make a band name on par with, in his opinion, the "sickest" band name ever, Led Zeppelin. So what you have here is a bunch of morons writing songs that didn't hit record charts at all but instead went straight to the mixtape that plays on the only strip club in Omaha, Nebraska open on Christmas Eve.

These are my opinions, and I am unwilling to hear a serious opinion against my humorous opinions. I will not entertain a fan of any of these bands or songs trying to have a serious debate. If you want to make fun of AC/DC with me, that's cool, because the lead singer needs to quit already, he's like 65.