I have a disorder.

I think it is early onset Alzheimers. I forget to pay bills. I forget to post on the blog, I forget birthdays. Family birthdays...PARENT birthdays. The type of birthdays that if you forget someone doesn't talk to you for a while. I don't know if any of you have ever experienced being shunned by a loved one, maybe you aren't an insensitive butthole like somebody we know but believe you me it is not a wholesome experience. No care packages for Drew if I forgot mom's birthday. I forgot Mother's Day last year, and that was pretty wicked. In a bad way, not in a 7200-Stalefish-off-a-fresh-gnar-halfpipe way. Dash dash dash dash dash dash dot. That's morse code for the letter M followed by the number 9. Get it, M9? Secret codes.

Anyway, if talking in top-secret codes isn't exciting to you, you might be interested in the recent string of Pope effigies being burned all over the Muslim world. I don't have anything against the Muslims. I think they're great people. I think there are a few in certain places who happen to be nuts and have a talent for locating television crews. I always think it is funny that a television crew is always present anytime a Muslim-looking dude whips out a dummy to light it on fire, but if there is a Muslim baby and a Jewish baby eating some pudding together, the camera crews are like "What? No fire? The babies are alive? Fuck this, I'm going back to the embassy." Pyromaniac religious zealots who are quick to anger and express their anger through blowing up stereo outlets and burning mannequins aren't common, they just tend to show up when a large camera crew is dicking around looking for some nut job to light something on fire so Ma and Pa Kettle can be so terrified of the rest of the world that they lock themselves in their rural home in Kansas and take potshots at the mailman from behind an upturned couch. Thanks CNN, thanks a BUNCH.