Alaskan Revolution

Citizens of Alaska,

From the beginning of the settlement of our great state, we have prided ourselves on our independance. The last frontier our wilderness was called. From the rocks of Homer to the high rises of Anchorage, from the glaciers to the tundra, our beauty is unmatched. It is time, my friends, for our government also to be unmatched.

We must ask ourselves a question: Do we want freedom from the oppression of a federal government that knows nothing of our ways? Our do we want to continue to bow to the tyrants in Virginia who've never seen a noble caribou? It is time for us to plant our feet firmly in the permafrost and declare an Alaskan Revolution!

Freedom from the constraints of a fascist rule! Freedom from the controls on our liberty! We demand self-rule. We damand autonomy. The Nation of Alaska must rise!

And a beautiful place it will be. Free enterprise will flourish with the removal of unjust legislation on horticulture. Society will flourish with the removal of unjust legislation on marriage. Our economy will flourish as we begin to sell our rich oil to the highest bidder. Flourishments will flourish.

And what will the 49 states do about it? They'll feel like fools marching an army across Canada. In fact, the Canadians will no doubt be sympathetic to our struggle and impede the coming storm troopers. And what Yankee army can fight through near twenty-four hours of light or darkness? Our uncommonly long and short days will confound them!

My friends, my fellow Alaskans, there is no better time than now to fight for what we want for our children. We must unite our passion for justice like the five fingers of truth, freedom, representation, self-actualization, and decency into a might fist to strike at the wicked federalists.

For Alaska. For Freedom.