Blast and Curses

The other day I purchased a lighter shaped like a double-barreled shotgun. It is a lighter-sized shotgun, not a shotgun sized lighter, which bears clarification when discussing replica items not made to scale. The shotgun that the lighter was fashioned after must have been of exceeding quality judging from the intricate metalwork of the stock and trigger, replicated on the lighter using cheap silver plastic. In my imagination I picture a British noble on a foxhunt using my lighter/shotgun to hunt foxes, though the gun shoots bullets instead of flames, so it is more like a real shotgun, the shotgun used to model the lighter. To hunt with a shotgun-shaped lighter would be an exercise in stupidity and a blatant diregard for a fox's distaste of flame-spewing tacky knick-knacks. There was a lot of dashes in the sentence, and I apologize.

The lighter, as glorious as its heritage may be, has gone dry after only two days of mild use. I don't smoke; I bought the lighter for the novelty of it. I am well aware that real shotguns suffer from a lack of ammunition storage, but I did not expect my lighter to go empty faster than my dad did after he got his tubes tied.

It was only after my purchase AND the hasty loss of lighter fuel that I realized how idiotic I would look whipping out my shotgun lighter in public to assist a distressed hobo with lighting his cigarette butt. I have a hard time believing that any tobacco-savvy young female is going to have her hormones boiling over a guy who pulls repica antique shotgun lighters out of his back pocket. Sometimes being a nerd sneaks up on you.