I was browsing Facebook today and I noticed a trend that makes for hours of entertainment at the expense of the lagging IQs of my state-school "friends" who have a bad habit of liking to tell people how much they drink almost as much as they like getting drunk. The profile pictures holding the keg cup, practically screaming "legitimize me! I conform to social norms! Whee!" A keg cup in your hand means that you aren't super-left or super-right wing, and that's right where your peers want you. Right in the middle, so you don't do anything CRAZY.
Another bad habit is to list stupid alcohol-related things under your interests. This simply tells me, Mr. Smartass Facebook User, that you actually have no interests. If you were in a job interview and someone asked you what your interests were and you said "Margaritas" or "Chillin with the girlz drinkin SCHNAPPS, baby!" the interviewer would slap your face. Slap you right in the damn face, you insolent bastard. How dare you. Get some real interests, or at least make up interesting ones. When the aliens invade, I'm going to propose a draft system based upon who has booze listed as a hobby on friendship/networking websites. You know these people don't have anything better to do, so they might as well die screaming in zero-gravity in the cold of outer space as buglike creatures rip apart their feeble space suits with razor-sharp mandibles, the whole time our little interest-less friends scream "Noooo!" as if the bugs have mercy, or can even understand human speech at all.
So ANYWAY, the person who takes the cake, the person who caused this whole mess of a post, was some girl I do not know who just graduated from some random state university. Take a wild guess, considering I reside in only one. She had, no shitting, "drinking, drinking, DRINKING" listed as her first interest, and "preschool teacher" as her second. Ree-goddamn-diculous. I sure as hell want to send my child to school with Ms. Bleach Blonde so she can hammer back Mimosas in the bathroom during naptime.
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