Now that I am a college graduate, I have to socialize with older adults who aren't as smart as I am. However, most of them think that with experience comes wisdom, and with wisdom comes intelligence, or something along those lines. I'm not one to bag on wisdom, but there is a difference between capital "W" Wisdom and plain old grandpa wisdom. For example, if you went to 'Nam and had sex with several Bangkok whores while you had leave and you got so many STDs you thought you were collecting PokeMon, and you tell your grandson "Always remember to wear a condom." You're not wise, you're just making sure your grandson doesn't have crabs infesting his nether regions. For some reason people think that "experience" and "learning from your mistakes" equals wisdom. Some old adult telling me what to do or not to do for this and that reason just makes me want to find them a fine, old retirement home to retire their old self into. I am convinced the only wise old people are in movies. In real life, they just play golf and complain a lot about how hot it is outside.
But I have to socialize with these people. These old people who think they've got something to say, some life lesson to impart on my free-wheeling youth so that I get married to quickly and am miserable for a longer period of time. Since I am also smarter than most of these old people, I can rarely find common ground on which to discuss topics in a social manner. Here is the typical conversation I have with an older adult:
Old: "So, your mother tells me you just graduated from college?"
Smart: "Yeah, I went to Whitman College. It's in Walla Walla."
Old: "What was your major??"
Smart: "I double-majored in Physics and Film Studies."
Old: "Ohhh. Physics AND Film. Wow."
Smart: "Yep."
Old: "So you studied movies? Have you seen October Sky?"
**Pause**
This is where I always hit a crossroads. Do I become a jackass, or do I start conceding knowledge and begin the self-deprecation process that I will describe in a little bit so that old adults can still feel superiority over me? Let's explore both.
Jackass: "Yeah, I've seen it. What's your point?"
Old: "Well...did you like it? I liked it."
Jackass: "Listen, I got a Film STUDIES major, not a film-fucking-appreciation major, okay? I don't watch movies and talk about how I didn't like this character because she was mean, or I didn't like that part of the plot because it was too scary. So if you were asking me about October Sky as a Film STUDIES major, then I would tell you that I think it is a cheaply-made family film that was intended to make a buck off of the middle-America nostalgia that so many conservative households feel for a time in the past where family was family that didn't even fucking exist."
Old: "Well I never...you've really changed, Andrew."
Jackass: "No, I haven't changed, I'm just smarter than you are."
I have never gone that route. I usually self-deprecate. Here's how:
SD: "No I haven't seen October Sky, tell me about it?"
Old: "Well, it's about these boys, and they build a rocket to save the town."
SD: "Wow, that sounds really good. I should talk to my professor about teaching that in class."
Old: "I just love watching movies. I can always tell who the hero is going to be right off the bat. I don't like movies that don't have heroes."
SD: "Me neither."
Old: "So what else did you learn at Whitman?"
SD: "Not much. You know liberal arts institutions, we just sat around playing frisbee and singing songs all day. It trained me really well to drive buses though!"
Old: "Ha ha ha. You're so funny, Andrew! You've really grown up to be a remarkable young man! You should come work for me at the plant."
SD: "I don't know, I bet it would be pretty hard. I don't understand all that stuff you do at work."
Old: "Oh, don't worry, we'll catch you up. We'll wash that college junk right out of your head."
SD: "Fucking sweet."
I don't usually say that last phrase, but I have really wanted to. Hope this helps all of you in deciding how to deal with these types of conversations. It's a real issue for me nowadays.
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