The Book of Drew, chapter 1 verse 11

11. God did cast Adam and Eve out of the garden of Eden, and he sayeth unto them "Thou hast forsaken my trust and my love. You must be cast out of my garden of paradise, never to return. Thou will wander the lands for food like beasts, and your lives shall be mortal." Then God, thinking that this punishment still did not suit the crime which Adam and Eve had committed, sayeth unto them further "Thy children shall also be punished for thy sins. Thy children, when they reach the age to bear children of their own, will be forced every season to take tests to prove they are worthy of my forgiveness. These tests shall be called midterms, and their distribution I shall deem the business of Lucifer, my fallen angel who hath corrupted your souls and who will forever punish thy children with tests that are long and painful." Then God did go into the clouds and cast Adam and Eve into the desert, for God did not want to miss Alias, which was showing at 9. Had Adam and Eve only known to buy God a TiVo, they would have been granted a holy pardon to forever chill in Eden.