For those following the pursuit of the presidential nomination, check out this article.
This writer articulates very well some feelings I've been having on the two-headed Clinton monster.
1/31/08
1/29/08
Primary and Delegate confusion
A few people have asked me lately to describe exact how a primary works and what delegates are what functions they play in actually choosing our presidential candidates. I sort of know the answer but here is a really good article that lays it out pretty well.
1/25/08
Slow News Day
Wow, you know it's been a real fucking slow day at the ol' news depot when someone writes this drivel about the upcoming Super Bowl. Read it first and then come back. Ok you haven't? Fine--it's a Boston Herald sports columnist's opinion that the Pats are smarter and classier than Giants fans. Despite the fact that just writing that in a "legitimate" news source undercuts one's argument about class, she plows through some "data" about each team's fanbase. It's the sort of crap you expect the weekend before the Super Bowl when there's no game currently to write about.
But come on, does drinking Amstel Light really reflect on a populace's intelligence?
Really?
Ms. Heslam, couldn't you have called a local school to inquire about its upcoming soccer championships? How about the prospects of some of the graduating seniors that will be playing basketball in the area next year? I mean ANYTHING BUT THIS!
I'm going to sound like I'm coming down hard on women here, but what are you doing covering sports Ms. Heslam? You're a lot like our own Ann Killion, local female sports reporting egotistical demagogue. She couldn't find a way out of the 49ers locker room (euphemism) when they were good, but like every other fan in the bay area--come a few years of athletic recession--her pen is venomous and her jerseys burned.
My mind drifts to some of the sideline TV personalities like Michelle Tafoya. What are you doing there? Katie Couric you are not--we get it. But why are you unable to tell us more than "the coach said 'we have to play better.' back to you Al." I can't remember who said it at last week's Packers game, but they were talking about how the benches were cold. Had she known that only teams who have given up sit on benches, she would have known this fact was irrelevant. Tony Siragusa has insight. The guy's slamming down a pastrami sandwich and telling you about personnel changes on the offensive line that allowed for that previous opening. Let me paraphrase a mantra in sports, do something or get off the field.
This doesn't hold true to just women. There are plenty of men who need to get on the wagon too. They have some new color commentator for the Giants--I think they're grooming him as a replacement for either Kruk or Kuip--but the guy had to endure some new guy hazing like no other. He delivered his bullshit commentary from the platform the Giants built so they could record Barry breaking the HR record. And that place was windy as shit. It was entertaining to see him interview San Francisco's finest atop a platform with the wind threatening to blow them both off.
I applaud that.
Still, I can't help but think about how obsolete print media is. This includes print media reprinted online. That I actually read this article is a testament to the powers of the internet thought. The real irony is that I read it on Yahoo! whose stock has plummeted since their whole gambit at being a "web portal" has pretty much failed.
To bring it back to my original complaint, here's one of my favorite newspaper comics ever. It's in response to the nasty stuff the Eagles and their fans were saying before Carolina whomped 'em good in the playoffs.
But come on, does drinking Amstel Light really reflect on a populace's intelligence?
Really?
Ms. Heslam, couldn't you have called a local school to inquire about its upcoming soccer championships? How about the prospects of some of the graduating seniors that will be playing basketball in the area next year? I mean ANYTHING BUT THIS!
I'm going to sound like I'm coming down hard on women here, but what are you doing covering sports Ms. Heslam? You're a lot like our own Ann Killion, local female sports reporting egotistical demagogue. She couldn't find a way out of the 49ers locker room (euphemism) when they were good, but like every other fan in the bay area--come a few years of athletic recession--her pen is venomous and her jerseys burned.
My mind drifts to some of the sideline TV personalities like Michelle Tafoya. What are you doing there? Katie Couric you are not--we get it. But why are you unable to tell us more than "the coach said 'we have to play better.' back to you Al." I can't remember who said it at last week's Packers game, but they were talking about how the benches were cold. Had she known that only teams who have given up sit on benches, she would have known this fact was irrelevant. Tony Siragusa has insight. The guy's slamming down a pastrami sandwich and telling you about personnel changes on the offensive line that allowed for that previous opening. Let me paraphrase a mantra in sports, do something or get off the field.
This doesn't hold true to just women. There are plenty of men who need to get on the wagon too. They have some new color commentator for the Giants--I think they're grooming him as a replacement for either Kruk or Kuip--but the guy had to endure some new guy hazing like no other. He delivered his bullshit commentary from the platform the Giants built so they could record Barry breaking the HR record. And that place was windy as shit. It was entertaining to see him interview San Francisco's finest atop a platform with the wind threatening to blow them both off.
I applaud that.
Still, I can't help but think about how obsolete print media is. This includes print media reprinted online. That I actually read this article is a testament to the powers of the internet thought. The real irony is that I read it on Yahoo! whose stock has plummeted since their whole gambit at being a "web portal" has pretty much failed.
To bring it back to my original complaint, here's one of my favorite newspaper comics ever. It's in response to the nasty stuff the Eagles and their fans were saying before Carolina whomped 'em good in the playoffs.
1/23/08
The Great Imperial Academy
Luke Skywalker dreamed of joining the Academy, but the one I would like to draw your attention to has almost no relation to a galaxy far, far away. The 2008 Academy Award nominations have just been released, but of course we must try and decontstruct, debase, or otherwise demean the official nominations by cigar-smoking Hollywood bigwigs. This is one of the few instances where the opinion of our few (and I mean FEW) dedicated blog readers can have their voices heard. I'd like to compile a list of everyone's favorite films from 2008, and then we'll make a nifty poll to see what films win for each of our illustrious categories.
Please submit your nominees for each of the following:
Best Picture - Best Comedy - Best Trailer/Teaser - Best Actor - Best Actress - Best Supporting Actor/Actress - Best Concept - Best Remake/Adaptation
and, in traditional Monstro fashion, some worsts:
Worst Picture - Worst Actor - Worst Actress - Worst Ending - Worst Sex Scene
Thanks for your participation.
Please submit your nominees for each of the following:
Best Picture - Best Comedy - Best Trailer/Teaser - Best Actor - Best Actress - Best Supporting Actor/Actress - Best Concept - Best Remake/Adaptation
and, in traditional Monstro fashion, some worsts:
Worst Picture - Worst Actor - Worst Actress - Worst Ending - Worst Sex Scene
Thanks for your participation.
Mr. HeathLedger Dead
Today actor Heath Ledger was found dead in his New York apartment. Blah blah blah.
All my asshole friends wanted to know the same thing: Did they finish filming Batman? The answer is yes, although industry types are all concerned with whether or not to keep up the macabre advertising campaign using grisly images of Ledger as the Joker. Apparently several weeks ago, Ledger mentioned in an interview aside that playing the Joker distressed him quite a bit and he found himself taking prescription sleeping pills in order to help deal. Now, based on the footage we've seen so far, the Joker as portrayed by Ledger is indeed a fucked up kitten. And everything we've read about Ledger is that he acts real hard, gets real into those roles of his. Damn, this is intense, because now we're all gonna be seeing the movie and reading extra close into every line he gives. Was this the part that drove him mad? Mad enough to kill? Himself?
I'm wondering if they'll change anything in the movie...
All my asshole friends wanted to know the same thing: Did they finish filming Batman? The answer is yes, although industry types are all concerned with whether or not to keep up the macabre advertising campaign using grisly images of Ledger as the Joker. Apparently several weeks ago, Ledger mentioned in an interview aside that playing the Joker distressed him quite a bit and he found himself taking prescription sleeping pills in order to help deal. Now, based on the footage we've seen so far, the Joker as portrayed by Ledger is indeed a fucked up kitten. And everything we've read about Ledger is that he acts real hard, gets real into those roles of his. Damn, this is intense, because now we're all gonna be seeing the movie and reading extra close into every line he gives. Was this the part that drove him mad? Mad enough to kill? Himself?
I'm wondering if they'll change anything in the movie...
1/20/08
For Drew
Benjamin Franklin once wrote, "Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security would deserve neither and lose both."
As mass media has allowed information to reach more people, an inadvertent thing has happened--the message has been dumbed down. It's the democratization of info--now everyone can understand!
I'm reminded of politicking's most absurdly vague statement this year. Barack Obama, after losing at NH, roused his troops (how, I'm not sure) with this: "something in America is happening." I shit you not, he said that, and all drawn-out and dramatic too.
Gone are the Abraham Lincolns and the Teddy Roosevelts. With less media, there was less campaign cost--presidents only had a few backers. You were for steel, or railroads, or cars. Now candidates have so many competing interests, you'll be lucky to see any spine. The word "stump" speech is quickly losing its grassroots allusion, and is taking on a new meaning: a word for the truncated, tell-nothing speeches of candidates.
On one side it's the appearance of change (race, sex) and on the other side, it's the reincarnation of Reagan. Let's not forget two very important things:
1. Just because you redecorate a room in your house doesn't mean you've changed it. Even with all that tribal South American get-up, it's still your "family room."
2. Remember that Reagan's unstated policy was to ignore any information that spoke to the contrary of what he believed. That's why they called him an unflinching idealist.
I wish I could vote for Mario Cuomo. I don't think there's been a better speaker since.
As mass media has allowed information to reach more people, an inadvertent thing has happened--the message has been dumbed down. It's the democratization of info--now everyone can understand!
I'm reminded of politicking's most absurdly vague statement this year. Barack Obama, after losing at NH, roused his troops (how, I'm not sure) with this: "something in America is happening." I shit you not, he said that, and all drawn-out and dramatic too.
Gone are the Abraham Lincolns and the Teddy Roosevelts. With less media, there was less campaign cost--presidents only had a few backers. You were for steel, or railroads, or cars. Now candidates have so many competing interests, you'll be lucky to see any spine. The word "stump" speech is quickly losing its grassroots allusion, and is taking on a new meaning: a word for the truncated, tell-nothing speeches of candidates.
On one side it's the appearance of change (race, sex) and on the other side, it's the reincarnation of Reagan. Let's not forget two very important things:
1. Just because you redecorate a room in your house doesn't mean you've changed it. Even with all that tribal South American get-up, it's still your "family room."
2. Remember that Reagan's unstated policy was to ignore any information that spoke to the contrary of what he believed. That's why they called him an unflinching idealist.
I wish I could vote for Mario Cuomo. I don't think there's been a better speaker since.
1/19/08
Montana Governor Foments Real ID Rebellion | Threat Level from Wired.com
Do we really want to take the next step to 1984? Montana governor Brian Schweitzer is opposing a push by the federal government to make all citizens comply with a new federal ID system. The Department of Homeland Security is making bullshit threats by saying citizens of non-complying states will be subject to more intense security screening at airports. Schweitzer has asked for the support of 17 other states: Colorado, Georgia, Idaho, Maine, New Hampshire, Oklahoma, South Carolina, Arizona, Hawaii, Illinois, Missouri, Nebraska, Nevada, North Dakota, Pennsylvania, Tennessee, and Washington.
Write your governor. I don't want a barcode.
Write your governor. I don't want a barcode.
One time exclusive
I'm not a huge fan of just posting a YouTube video on the blog for people to watch, if I'm feeling that lazy I'd much rather throw up a news article, however, this video I watched recently via a friend has too many amazing things happening throughout that I must pass it along and beg for 9 minutes of your lives.
1/17/08
To Hollywood, With Love
J.J. Abrams is a big, old nerd.
Why do I say this? You probably liked LOST, and for that, I apologize. I can't return to you the days and days of your life that you lost watching that obtuse show. I just wish the guy would have at least stuck with somewhat original material. J.J. Abrams has recently decided that everyone under the age of 40 should be obsessed with the same things that he was as a nerdy kid in the 80's, and so the youth of the new millennium are being punished with thinly-veiled Godzilla remakes and another remake of arguably the nerdiest shit EVER in the history of man besides Renaissance Faires.
J.J. Abrams is the poster child for an interesting movement of older, middle-aged men who have maintained their youthful obsessions into adulthood. Instead of taking on new hobbies, or at least a desire for physical fitness, they cling to their old heroes and pastimes. Go into a comic book shop and ask them if any guys ever come in who play GURPS. They're all old, they're all weird, and they all can't let go.
Sorry J.J., but on behalf of every young person who is acting their age and not a grown man still playing with toys, I have to step in and be the voice of the younger generations. Stop trying to make your old nerdy obsessions cool. Just stop. It isn't going to work. Stop trying to legitimize your youthful nerdy obsessions to the world and just embrace them and move on. I used to play Dungeons & Dragons. I admit it. I enjoyed it. But I have grown up. I'm not going to drop millions and millions trying to make D&D into something it never was and never can be. I'm going to be happy for the rest of my life remembering how fun that shit was to play. Was my experience more fruitful than my ten year-old cousin playing his Wii for the first time? Maybe, maybe not. HALO 3 is more of a universe than Star Trek ever was and ever will be to the younger generations. Not because it's any better or worse, but because the experience isn't the same unless its approached with wonderment. As much as you may want a new generation to have that experience with Star Trek, it just doesn't work that way. My obsessions as a kid are my own, and my kids will have theirs. That doesn't mean I can't go to my closet, yank out the Return of the Jedi DVD, and remember when I felt the same way.
Why do I say this? You probably liked LOST, and for that, I apologize. I can't return to you the days and days of your life that you lost watching that obtuse show. I just wish the guy would have at least stuck with somewhat original material. J.J. Abrams has recently decided that everyone under the age of 40 should be obsessed with the same things that he was as a nerdy kid in the 80's, and so the youth of the new millennium are being punished with thinly-veiled Godzilla remakes and another remake of arguably the nerdiest shit EVER in the history of man besides Renaissance Faires.
J.J. Abrams is the poster child for an interesting movement of older, middle-aged men who have maintained their youthful obsessions into adulthood. Instead of taking on new hobbies, or at least a desire for physical fitness, they cling to their old heroes and pastimes. Go into a comic book shop and ask them if any guys ever come in who play GURPS. They're all old, they're all weird, and they all can't let go.
Sorry J.J., but on behalf of every young person who is acting their age and not a grown man still playing with toys, I have to step in and be the voice of the younger generations. Stop trying to make your old nerdy obsessions cool. Just stop. It isn't going to work. Stop trying to legitimize your youthful nerdy obsessions to the world and just embrace them and move on. I used to play Dungeons & Dragons. I admit it. I enjoyed it. But I have grown up. I'm not going to drop millions and millions trying to make D&D into something it never was and never can be. I'm going to be happy for the rest of my life remembering how fun that shit was to play. Was my experience more fruitful than my ten year-old cousin playing his Wii for the first time? Maybe, maybe not. HALO 3 is more of a universe than Star Trek ever was and ever will be to the younger generations. Not because it's any better or worse, but because the experience isn't the same unless its approached with wonderment. As much as you may want a new generation to have that experience with Star Trek, it just doesn't work that way. My obsessions as a kid are my own, and my kids will have theirs. That doesn't mean I can't go to my closet, yank out the Return of the Jedi DVD, and remember when I felt the same way.
1/14/08
America's Jesus
I've been following the Presidential campaign pretty closely over the last few months and one tendency I love to observe in the GOP candidates is their messiahnizing of Ronald Reagan.
The genius of appealing to Reagan is that his administration is far enough removed that we can't touch the legacy any longer, but it's also close enough that anyone who is unhappy with things today can say "Shit, things were better when Reagan was in charge."
This is the troubling part about appealing to Reagan. Every GOP candidate, with the exception of Ron Paul, has argued that they best embody the Reagan-esque style of leadership. Any conservative unhappy with the way things are today, the war on terror, gays on TV, evolution in the classroom, can trick themselves into thinking that back when Reagan was boss, things were better and whoever can be most like Reagan will fix everything up.
On the Democrat side, a lot of of pundits argue that Obama is the "vessel" candidate: he is so vague and unproven that people can put whatever they want into his ambiguous campaign for change. What's funny is that the Republicans' vessel candidate isn't running, he's Ronald Reagan. Whatever people want, they can remember Reagan as having embodied it. This is why Reagan is America's Jesus.
The vast majority of people who appeal to the idea of Jesus Christ have less familiarity with the New Testament than I do with Jane Austin. But we have this general idea of who he was and what he was about. In terms of morality, we can attribute just about anything to Jesus as a "get out of having to think free" card. Reagan has the same thing. Respect.
The genius of appealing to Reagan is that his administration is far enough removed that we can't touch the legacy any longer, but it's also close enough that anyone who is unhappy with things today can say "Shit, things were better when Reagan was in charge."
This is the troubling part about appealing to Reagan. Every GOP candidate, with the exception of Ron Paul, has argued that they best embody the Reagan-esque style of leadership. Any conservative unhappy with the way things are today, the war on terror, gays on TV, evolution in the classroom, can trick themselves into thinking that back when Reagan was boss, things were better and whoever can be most like Reagan will fix everything up.
On the Democrat side, a lot of of pundits argue that Obama is the "vessel" candidate: he is so vague and unproven that people can put whatever they want into his ambiguous campaign for change. What's funny is that the Republicans' vessel candidate isn't running, he's Ronald Reagan. Whatever people want, they can remember Reagan as having embodied it. This is why Reagan is America's Jesus.
The vast majority of people who appeal to the idea of Jesus Christ have less familiarity with the New Testament than I do with Jane Austin. But we have this general idea of who he was and what he was about. In terms of morality, we can attribute just about anything to Jesus as a "get out of having to think free" card. Reagan has the same thing. Respect.
How quickly things get out of hand
The recent Mitchell Report blew the whistle, albeit controversially, on steroid use in baseball. This report is attempting to do the same thing for celebrity entertainers. Jesus, who cares if Mary J. Blige is on HGH, I mean I don't see the allure of growing back hair as a girl, but to each their own. Maybe it makes them sing more powerfully, but entertainment is not the same type of competition that sports are. Who cares. People get carried away too quickly with things. Witch hunts are a good example. I'm left-handed. I'm scared.
1/12/08
Why I hate dominant sports teams.
Today I stared lasers, poison-tipped lasers, into the faces of two New England Patriots fans who strolled nonchalantly into my coffee shop sporting their Patriots jerseys. I would have left the situation alone with a few muttered "fucking Patriots fans" under my breath, but then I noticed the names on the back of the jerseys that the cute young couple were wearing. The woman sported the jersey of Wes Welker, and the man had a Donte Stallworth jersey on. For those of you non-football fans, these are two marginal players acquired at the beginning of this season and whose performance relies COMPLETELY upon the brilliance of the Patriots quarterback Tom Brady. Wes Welker and Donte Stallworth aren't worth shit on their own. If Tom Brady breaks his arm in tonight's game, Wes Welker is going to go back to fetching Gatorade when he is quickly dealt off to another team in hopes of possibly tricking another coach into believing the guy has any value outside of the Tom Brady circle of influence. Wearing Wes Welker or Donte Stallworth jerseys is the equivalent, in my mind, of saying your favorite superhero is not Batman, but fucking Robin.
I can see the need these fans feel to differentiate themselves. When a team becomes dominant, like the Patriots, the number of "loyal" fans surges. This idiotic couple obviously wanted to buck the trend and avoid buying Tom Brady or Randy Moss jerseys. This is stupid. Those are the only two players on the team (with notable exception of perhaps Rodney Harrison, but that guy is a dick) who will make the hall of fame. A Brady or Moss jersey might have some nostalgic value when the team's strength wanes. People can still say "man, remember how good those guys were?" Nobody will say shit about Welker or Stallworth. They will be bowled over in the awesome tide that is sports history.
It's not the first time something like this has happened. Remember all the Chicago Bulls fans that roamed around in the 90's when Jordan was making basketball look like his own private playground? Where are all those Starter jackets now? I don't see any throwback fucking Scottie Pippen jerseys on MTV.
So, Patriots fans, I hope you enjoyed flushing your $80 down the toilet on your Wes Welker jersey. You can hang it in the closet next to Horace Grant's.
I can see the need these fans feel to differentiate themselves. When a team becomes dominant, like the Patriots, the number of "loyal" fans surges. This idiotic couple obviously wanted to buck the trend and avoid buying Tom Brady or Randy Moss jerseys. This is stupid. Those are the only two players on the team (with notable exception of perhaps Rodney Harrison, but that guy is a dick) who will make the hall of fame. A Brady or Moss jersey might have some nostalgic value when the team's strength wanes. People can still say "man, remember how good those guys were?" Nobody will say shit about Welker or Stallworth. They will be bowled over in the awesome tide that is sports history.
It's not the first time something like this has happened. Remember all the Chicago Bulls fans that roamed around in the 90's when Jordan was making basketball look like his own private playground? Where are all those Starter jackets now? I don't see any throwback fucking Scottie Pippen jerseys on MTV.
So, Patriots fans, I hope you enjoyed flushing your $80 down the toilet on your Wes Welker jersey. You can hang it in the closet next to Horace Grant's.
1/11/08
fucking nasty ass pigeons
Anyone who knows me knows that I love birds. I voluntarily watch them and love them. That being said, the Rock Dove, more commonly known as the Pigeon is not a bird. It may have once been a bird but time and modernity and cities and urbanity have turned it into a flying rodent. Everyday when I leave my office in downtown San Francisco there are hordes of these motherfuckers, just existing in nasty nasty ways.
The Chinese have really figured it out. Since it might be tough to exterminate all these sick critters we might as well make them work for us! Take a look at this picture showing an experiment done by a Chinese university. They implanted a microchip in the head of a pigeon and successfully controlled its movement! That is unreal! Pigeons are gross! Kucinich '08! Yeah!
The Chinese have really figured it out. Since it might be tough to exterminate all these sick critters we might as well make them work for us! Take a look at this picture showing an experiment done by a Chinese university. They implanted a microchip in the head of a pigeon and successfully controlled its movement! That is unreal! Pigeons are gross! Kucinich '08! Yeah!
1/5/08
Soviet-era escalation and some perspective
Sam Johnson of the Glider Bison blog has been talking fucking stunning levels of shit. Stunning. As in, I am fucking stunned. I say this because of a few reasons.
1. The contest was called for on Glider Bison on December 12. Glider Bison already had 4 posts at this time. Monstro Blog had 1 post. No one reads Sam's mind filth anyways so we didn't respond and gather forces for real until December 27 save for a solitary post or two before that. Even so we nearly evened things up while continuing to bring our diverse, lively styles to the internet superhighway with vim, verve and vigor. All the while S. Johnson enjoyed his nightly meal of huge cock and balls.
2. Who the fuck does Sam think he is calling for this contest and trying to get his rocks off going at us whilst we did God's duty and observed the holidays with whores and loved ones. His blog, in existence since May of 2007 has totaled 61 posts, nearly one third of them (18) in his much-hyped December month of 2007. The Monstro Blog started in January of 2005 when Sam Johnson was in veritable technological diapers still learning to read and write and type and hype. Since then, we have posted 549 times for a monthly average of 14.8 ppm (posts per month). Gilder Bison has averaged 6.8 ppm. Suck a fuckin' dick. Additionally, in October of 2006 we rocked 30 posts despite the fact that I, in one of my dry spells, only posted three or four times. Try that Johnson!
Ladies and gentleman of the jury, thank you for your literacy and therefore your time (variable) as I have clearly laid out a few things.
1. Sam Johnson and Glider Bison is a simultaneous bitch and beautiful woman.
2. The December '07 contest should be null and void.
3. We should be judged on the content of our character.
4. A year-long 2008 contest would certainly be more in order than some hair-brained illegally started one (or half-) month contest.
5. I am indeed a competitive sav.
6. It's a pleasure to be in year four of the blogosphere monstronaut style.
7. It took me so long to write this I messed my pants.
1. The contest was called for on Glider Bison on December 12. Glider Bison already had 4 posts at this time. Monstro Blog had 1 post. No one reads Sam's mind filth anyways so we didn't respond and gather forces for real until December 27 save for a solitary post or two before that. Even so we nearly evened things up while continuing to bring our diverse, lively styles to the internet superhighway with vim, verve and vigor. All the while S. Johnson enjoyed his nightly meal of huge cock and balls.
2. Who the fuck does Sam think he is calling for this contest and trying to get his rocks off going at us whilst we did God's duty and observed the holidays with whores and loved ones. His blog, in existence since May of 2007 has totaled 61 posts, nearly one third of them (18) in his much-hyped December month of 2007. The Monstro Blog started in January of 2005 when Sam Johnson was in veritable technological diapers still learning to read and write and type and hype. Since then, we have posted 549 times for a monthly average of 14.8 ppm (posts per month). Gilder Bison has averaged 6.8 ppm. Suck a fuckin' dick. Additionally, in October of 2006 we rocked 30 posts despite the fact that I, in one of my dry spells, only posted three or four times. Try that Johnson!
Ladies and gentleman of the jury, thank you for your literacy and therefore your time (variable) as I have clearly laid out a few things.
1. Sam Johnson and Glider Bison is a simultaneous bitch and beautiful woman.
2. The December '07 contest should be null and void.
3. We should be judged on the content of our character.
4. A year-long 2008 contest would certainly be more in order than some hair-brained illegally started one (or half-) month contest.
5. I am indeed a competitive sav.
6. It's a pleasure to be in year four of the blogosphere monstronaut style.
7. It took me so long to write this I messed my pants.
1/3/08
Strocation
I am officially on vacation. I will be in Mexico for one week, so hopefully the other fine gents on this website can keep up the good work with entertaining posts.
Peace bitches.
Peace bitches.
I was wrong!
Well, the results are in from Iowa and I was awesomely wrong on both counts. Obama and Huckabee won pretty comfortably, Huckabee especially, in their primaries. The big news is that Hillary Clinton looks like she is going to finish 3rd, but not by much, which is still a big blow to her. Biden and Dodd already dropped out after poor finishes like I thought and Bill Richardson got his ass handed to him, getting only 2% but he's gonna stay in.
Giuliani, continuing to show the biggest balls of all time got 4% and does not give a fuck. Thompson and McCain are in a tight battle for third in Iowa which seems a bit insignificant as both will now push on needing big showings in South Carolina and New Hampshire. If Romney can't finish at least a strong second now in New Hampshire, he's in trouble. Ron Paul got 10 fuckin percent which is epic, he's a crazy old coot.
I think the best thing about this on both sides is that change won hard, Huckabee is not at all like Bush, he openly critiques him, talks about health care, education and global warming in somewhat sentient-being-level terms. Obama and Edwards I both really like and they really stuck it to Hillary, I hope it's a sign of change for the positive, in substance and tone for the state of American politics. Romney went real negative and got punished so I hope that holds.
On another note, I think the apocalypse is about to hit the bay area, it is so windy and rainy here I think god is fuckin pissed off about something, maybe it's the liberals, ooooh the liberals.
Giuliani, continuing to show the biggest balls of all time got 4% and does not give a fuck. Thompson and McCain are in a tight battle for third in Iowa which seems a bit insignificant as both will now push on needing big showings in South Carolina and New Hampshire. If Romney can't finish at least a strong second now in New Hampshire, he's in trouble. Ron Paul got 10 fuckin percent which is epic, he's a crazy old coot.
I think the best thing about this on both sides is that change won hard, Huckabee is not at all like Bush, he openly critiques him, talks about health care, education and global warming in somewhat sentient-being-level terms. Obama and Edwards I both really like and they really stuck it to Hillary, I hope it's a sign of change for the positive, in substance and tone for the state of American politics. Romney went real negative and got punished so I hope that holds.
On another note, I think the apocalypse is about to hit the bay area, it is so windy and rainy here I think god is fuckin pissed off about something, maybe it's the liberals, ooooh the liberals.
Monstro Academy Awards?
Can we create a voting thing or something on the blogue so that our contributors and readers can aggregate our feelings on 2007's movies? Then we can have the Monstro Academy Awards!
Obviously we'd like to see how we all felt about big movies like No Country, but we should also construct categories for Best Low Comedy and Greatest Harm Done to Society.
Obviously we'd like to see how we all felt about big movies like No Country, but we should also construct categories for Best Low Comedy and Greatest Harm Done to Society.
talkin' politics baby!
By the time many of you read this blog post Iowa will have already caucused and I will either look like a prophet or an idiot but nonetheless, Iowans cast the first votes today in the '08 presidential season and I for one am pumped. Not in my ENTIRE LIFE has no sitting president or vice president been running for either party's nomination (therefore giving them a near assurance of garnering the nom.) so this race has been fluid and exciting from day one on both sides and for someone who views politics in a very similar realm to sports this is a thriller!
I say this because as of right now 8 (EIGHT!) people could still very realistically become president. I include Clinton, Obama, Edwards, Thompson, Romney, Huckabee, Giuliani and McCain in this group. Also, if Joe Biden or Bill Richardson can finish a strong 4th in Iowa and continue momentum through New Hampshire next week they stay in the mix too. Kucinich is fucked, fuck. After Iowa and certainly New Hampshire though this field will dwindle.
On the Democratic side, whoever finishes third out of the big three of Clinton, Obama, Edwards will really be on the ropes and have to finish a strong second or better in New Hampshire to stay viable. Recent violence in Pakistan has given a boost to the candidacies of lower-tier candidates Biden, Richardson and even Chris Dodd who aren't the rock stars that Clinton, Obama, Edwards are but all have WAY BETTER foreign policy credentials which is a sad statement about the state of electing people in this country (from student council on up).
The Republican race is totally different. Iowa looks to be a two man showdown between Huckabee who came out of nowhere a month or two ago and Romney, who has been desperately clinging to his lead with the help of a huge ground game and lots of negative ads. If Romney loses Iowa he has to win New Hampshire. Huckabee is way behind in New Hampshire because it isn't populated with tons of extremist christian fuckers like Iowa (who ever said this was a balanced post?) so if he doesn't win in Iowa, he will fall way behind after New Hampshire and need a strong showing in two weeks in South Carolina, where he may get one (see earlier demographic analysis). McCain is hedging his bets on winning New Hampshire and anything less could doom him and Thompson seems to be hedging on South Carolina and a strong third place showing in Iowa will help him a lot. Giuliani is a crazy motherfucker. He is giving a strong middle finger to momentum and waiting pretty much until February 5 to try and win Florida, California, New York, all big states with enough delegates to maybe give him the nomination, this has never been done before but it might work. Whichever Republican finishes third in Iowa out of Giuliani, McCain and Thompson will get a boost of legitimacy.
My prediction: Romney wins Iowa by about 5% and Clinton nicks Obama by 2% with Edwards about 4% behind him.
My hope: Romney and Huckabee are discovered to be illegals and are deported and Obama wins Iowa and immediately declares an Obama-Kucinich ticket.
I say this because as of right now 8 (EIGHT!) people could still very realistically become president. I include Clinton, Obama, Edwards, Thompson, Romney, Huckabee, Giuliani and McCain in this group. Also, if Joe Biden or Bill Richardson can finish a strong 4th in Iowa and continue momentum through New Hampshire next week they stay in the mix too. Kucinich is fucked, fuck. After Iowa and certainly New Hampshire though this field will dwindle.
On the Democratic side, whoever finishes third out of the big three of Clinton, Obama, Edwards will really be on the ropes and have to finish a strong second or better in New Hampshire to stay viable. Recent violence in Pakistan has given a boost to the candidacies of lower-tier candidates Biden, Richardson and even Chris Dodd who aren't the rock stars that Clinton, Obama, Edwards are but all have WAY BETTER foreign policy credentials which is a sad statement about the state of electing people in this country (from student council on up).
The Republican race is totally different. Iowa looks to be a two man showdown between Huckabee who came out of nowhere a month or two ago and Romney, who has been desperately clinging to his lead with the help of a huge ground game and lots of negative ads. If Romney loses Iowa he has to win New Hampshire. Huckabee is way behind in New Hampshire because it isn't populated with tons of extremist christian fuckers like Iowa (who ever said this was a balanced post?) so if he doesn't win in Iowa, he will fall way behind after New Hampshire and need a strong showing in two weeks in South Carolina, where he may get one (see earlier demographic analysis). McCain is hedging his bets on winning New Hampshire and anything less could doom him and Thompson seems to be hedging on South Carolina and a strong third place showing in Iowa will help him a lot. Giuliani is a crazy motherfucker. He is giving a strong middle finger to momentum and waiting pretty much until February 5 to try and win Florida, California, New York, all big states with enough delegates to maybe give him the nomination, this has never been done before but it might work. Whichever Republican finishes third in Iowa out of Giuliani, McCain and Thompson will get a boost of legitimacy.
My prediction: Romney wins Iowa by about 5% and Clinton nicks Obama by 2% with Edwards about 4% behind him.
My hope: Romney and Huckabee are discovered to be illegals and are deported and Obama wins Iowa and immediately declares an Obama-Kucinich ticket.
1/2/08
Christmas Cleanup
I hate when you clean up after Christmas and find all sorts of weird shit in your house. Also, my Christmas tree looks like it could erupt into flames any second. Lucky for me the fireplace is currently out of order.
1/1/08
Another year of Darkness held at bay...
I'm not a regular gym attendee, though I enjoy my weekly games of racquetball and now that the cardio machines have televisions on them I like to watch my football while pedaling a sationary bike. I was a guest at my dad's swank workout center and I noticed a lot of wealthy older people sticking to their resolutions to lose weight or whatever. I think resolutions like "lose weight" or "save money" are unoriginal and as a result bound for failure.
For those of you who want to be a little more creative with your New Year's resolutions, I've compiled a brief list of more "refined" resolutions, for the philosophical man or woman.
1) Say "no" and don't give an explanation. People are so used to justification now that they react like you just slapped them in the face when you just give a simple "no." The next time someone invites you to do something you don't to do, just fucking say "no." Don't explain yourself, don't say maybe next time, don't say you're sorry, just let them chew on that big, fat "no" gristle for while. You'll walk away feeling powerful, they'll walk away thinking they need to start planning cooler stuff to invite you to.
2) Don't eat fast food. That shit is gross. I'm not saying don't eat burgers or burritos or sub sandwiches. I'm saying don't eat McDonalds or Chipotle or Subway. I'll be damned if you can't think of a local joint in your town that does the job better than any of those national chains. Support the Mexican dudes in El Cerrito that can make burritos like God blessed them with his own secret recipe. Buy pizza from the fashion-conscious hipsters that huck pizza by the slice until 2am. Who cares about getting fat? You're making your hometown cooler by keeping the good shit alive and kicking. Leave the chains for the people who buy their books at the same store they buy their toilet paper.
3) Stop a fight. Having a cool head never goes out of style. If you see two meatheads about to go at it in the street, don't grab a dog from a street vendor and start taking bets. Accept the fact that you might get punched for your good karma and go try to help the assholes not spend a night in jail. They may not appreciate it, but you're helping the evolution of humanity.
4) Hang out with some kids. Most kids are sweet to hang out with, and usually they require very little effort to entertain. I plopped a helmet on my 12 year-old cousin Jake and shot tennis balls out of a serving machine at him while he tried to dodge. He'll remember playing "American Gladiators" for the next 20 years.
For those of you who want to be a little more creative with your New Year's resolutions, I've compiled a brief list of more "refined" resolutions, for the philosophical man or woman.
1) Say "no" and don't give an explanation. People are so used to justification now that they react like you just slapped them in the face when you just give a simple "no." The next time someone invites you to do something you don't to do, just fucking say "no." Don't explain yourself, don't say maybe next time, don't say you're sorry, just let them chew on that big, fat "no" gristle for while. You'll walk away feeling powerful, they'll walk away thinking they need to start planning cooler stuff to invite you to.
2) Don't eat fast food. That shit is gross. I'm not saying don't eat burgers or burritos or sub sandwiches. I'm saying don't eat McDonalds or Chipotle or Subway. I'll be damned if you can't think of a local joint in your town that does the job better than any of those national chains. Support the Mexican dudes in El Cerrito that can make burritos like God blessed them with his own secret recipe. Buy pizza from the fashion-conscious hipsters that huck pizza by the slice until 2am. Who cares about getting fat? You're making your hometown cooler by keeping the good shit alive and kicking. Leave the chains for the people who buy their books at the same store they buy their toilet paper.
3) Stop a fight. Having a cool head never goes out of style. If you see two meatheads about to go at it in the street, don't grab a dog from a street vendor and start taking bets. Accept the fact that you might get punched for your good karma and go try to help the assholes not spend a night in jail. They may not appreciate it, but you're helping the evolution of humanity.
4) Hang out with some kids. Most kids are sweet to hang out with, and usually they require very little effort to entertain. I plopped a helmet on my 12 year-old cousin Jake and shot tennis balls out of a serving machine at him while he tried to dodge. He'll remember playing "American Gladiators" for the next 20 years.
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