4/3/06

Ariel Sharon: The Robo-Minister

I saw today that Ariel Sharon is going to have head surgery. It remained that unspecific throughout the BBC News article, so it could be to remove a wart or, considering he is in a coma, they could could be taking the top of his head off like a plastic Easter egg and stirring around with a stick in the hopes that stuff gets plugged back in.
I think this is the perfect opportunity for the world to create its first bionic being. Ariel Sharon isn't doing anybody any good sitting in a coma in his old man body, but if he had a new, healthy robot body, he could stick around for 10,000 years making sure shit gets taken care of in the Middle East. I am pretty sure we could do it if we wanted to, if not for the fact that Ariel Sharon would not make a "cool" robot-leader. People have this romantic conception that future technology is supposed to be "cool" and future people are always pictured as good-looking and happy using "cool" devices. Nobody wants to see Ariel Sharon be the first bionic human, but when Brad Pitt dies they'll probably be ready to unviel the miracle technology.
Any talk of future robots/androids/bionic humans eventually must lead to the same climax; discussing which movie/TV robots would win in a fight over the others. The likely candidates in a discussion of this type are T-100 and T-1000 from the Terminator movies, RoboCop, and Darth Vader from Star Wars. Always excluded are the giant robots that the Japanese use in all their TV shows and movies, just because nobody really thinks the future is going to have giant robots that construct themselves out of 5 smaller robots that are each built to resemble a different animal.

I personally think Darth Vader could defeat any robot, but should focus his powers exclusively on defeating Courtney Love.

2 comments:

  1. Your perverted mind has once again dropped trou and left a quivering mass of fecal ideas on our blighted blog. Darth Vader doesn't have shit on T-1000.

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  2. Except that the Terminator is consistently beaten by some sort of man-made force. Crushed by machinery that men built or melted in molten metal that men heated up. Darth Vader is also man-made...and if you're still not convinced. He has the force--and we can see from T3 that a puny magnetic field can disable a Terminator. Vader would tear his/her shit apart. No question.

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