The results are in

Aaron Mandel reporting--

Sam and I approached the track at approximately 2pm where we were to do battle in a one mile race. Aaron was dressed modestly in a Nike t-shirt, reebok shorts, mismatched socks, and nike shoes. Sam was dressed in full body spandex as Ben Stiller of Globo Gym in "Dodgeball". For speed's sake, Sam removed his shoulder pads and inflatable penis padding for the race. As official race timer Brandon Weil counted down to the start Aaron freaked out and stopped the proceedings.

"Wait, wait," he yelled. "My bracelet, I can't run with it."

Aaron took off his english-hebrew peace bracelet and threw it to the side of the track for this was no peaceful endeavor, this was war. Sam had won every single other meeting and one more less might send Aaron into retirement forever. Sam was taller, fitter, stronger and looked way more ridiculous. Aaron carried the passion of a thousand defeats and two thousand years of oppression on his small-framed shoulders.

The race started and as had been the case in past duals, Sam jumped out to a lead in the first of the four laps. After one lap Sam led Aaron by four seconds. After two laps Sam still led Aaron by four seconds. While this deficit seemingly did not bode well, in fact Aaron was thrilled. In the past at this point in a race, Sam was usually 10-25 seconds ahead and pulling further away. Aaron smelled blood, Sam was flailing and tired and had failed to put things away early as was his usual method. At the end of the third lap Sam led Aaron by two seconds. With one lap left Aaron thought of all the people in his life that he loved, family, friends, blog-readers and dug deep. On the backstretch, with 300 meters remaining he pulled even with Sam. Sam's face was a distorted mass of pain, fake mascara mustache ran down his jowls like tears and around the final turn and straightaway Aaron made his move, accelerating to the thoughts of monstro pride and collapsing across the finish line in a glorious heap of sweat and tears, victorious by one mere second.

Please vote if you think this account is true or false.