Comin' clean

Gather children for a story that I shall tell. This story is as true as my recollective powers will allow. I just finished doing my jewish duty and observing Yom Kippur which is the day of atonement where you ask for forgiveness for all your sins of the past year. However, for this story I shall have to go back a few years, to sophomore year in fact.

An old buddy named Wiley was applying to Whitman and came for a visit. I wanted to show him good times so we went to the corn-maze in the afternoon and got really high via the use of marijuana-drug. We came back to Whitman just in time for an acoustic concert at the Outhouse where vegan bread was being passed around. Wiley didn't understand the communal nature of the bread-pass and as I looked away at the music for a few seconds he devoured an entire loaf. We quickly escaped the angry vegans and returned to Marcus House where I was living at the time (with gus) to figure out what we were gonna do for the rest of the night.

There was a kegger at the condemned house so we met up with drew, hans, and julian and pre-funked a bit in marcus and then headed over. The party was cool, we all tucked in behind Drew as he cut a swath toward the keg. Then some sorority girls came and stole the keg so the party died down, but supposedly a new keg was on the way. We grew impatient and went back to Marcus House to smoke in the backyard. After getting pretty messed up we went back to the party at the condemned house, the keg had returned. After being there for a few minutes, Wiley came up to me in a panic and said, "Aaron, what's wrong with the big guy?" I looked to where he was gesturing to find the honorable Drew talking about trying to get to oblivion while attempting to dive head-first off the porch of the house. Me, Hans, Julian, and Wiley all pitch in to rescue the big guy. At this point, I decide that Wiley and I want to challenge some frat guys to pong at the then newly-built phi hog shack. We all stumble across campus over there and me and wiley get our asses kicked by some combo of hans, julian, and drew. Wiley claims to be blind and I myself am having trouble seeing and standing so I reckon that it is time we go home and crash, for he had to fly home and I had an IM football game the next morning.

We start making our way from the Phi shack to Marcus and things get interesting from here as I think I begin to black out because everything gets incredibly fuzzy so I will do my best to recount. We make it across the bridge by Prentiss where we encounter two girls sitting on the grass. We fall down near them and exchange some pleasant salutations. I recall telling one of the girls that I do theater, which she seemed to take delight in. I also recall her saying that I was short, which she apparently also was cool with. At a certain point I realized that Wiley and the other girl were gone, but the girl i was sitting with said they had gone different directions. It didn't occur to me at the time that Wiley was totally trashed and wandering around a campus he had never been to before. I honestly have no idea what I did or said but me and the girl (who is nameless for reasons that shall present themselves later) walked back to Marcus House. As we approached the door of Marcus House I saw the hulking, drunken figure of Wiley slumped against the front door. He had made what must have been a heroic, drunken journey and gotten himself all the way to the front door of Marcus House only to find out that to enter, one needed to know a punch code on the number lock. I let the three of us in, and Wiley informed me he needed to vomit. I started to lead him to the bathroom right outside me and Gus's room (gus had already gone to sleep-surprising?) but before he could go puke in the toilet, the girl i was with darted in and locked the door to pee. Wiley looked at me with helpless eyes and a tragic look on his face. He really needed to vomit and I respected that, since it was mainly my fault he had gotten to that point, but I was not about to let him vomit all over my room and the area right outside it so I reached into my past when I used to harass Wiley in high school on the cross country team and ordered him as his former captain to hold in his puke. Wiley, like a good soldier did his best, but forces of physics and gravity were too much to conquer. Puke came out his nose, for strong Wiley would not unclench his mouth. At this point I banged loudly on the bathroom door and told this girl to hurry the fuck up hella politely. She opened the door and I pulled her out and pushed Wiley in. At this point Gus woke up and noticed the girl had reddish-brown hair (which is important, as will become apparent later) as a brief flash of her went by outside the door as I swapped bathroom users. Gus put Wiley to bed on the floor of our room while I took a blanket and went out into the muddy pit that was the backyard of marcus. As far as I can remember I made out with this girl for probably about 3 minutes and then passed out. The next thing I knew it was really early in the morning, the light was just coming into the dawning world and i was laying in my boxer shorts in a pile of mud behind marcus house feeling hella drunk/hungover. I crawled back into my room in marcus but couldn't even get up to my top bunk so I just lay next to Wiley on the floor. A few hours later a guy from my IM football team came in to my room and felt really awkward about waking me up I think because I was passed out on the floor with my arm around Wiley for some reason.

Anyways, the thing that has consistently nagged me is that we all have done some silly drunk things involving the gender that we desire, but even in the fog of alcohol I have always remembered WHO THE FUCKIN PEOPLE HAVE BEEN, except for this time. The reddish-brown haired girl who was somehow seduced by a drunken neanderthal and left the mud-bed I had laid down in at 4am is most likely still walking this campus, although I honestly have no idea who she is. So I dare say, if a comment appears after this post, saying, "you asshole, it was me- sincerely Jane Doe, I will be glad, because time is a duller and it's time to come clean on this one, with a good chuckle of course.