Perfect 10

I give an awesome perfect "10" score to all the gymnasts who have quit competition in order to play instruments in punk and emo bands. I was watching a band called Fall Out Boy on MTV2 and "wheee!" They started jumping and twirling around like little Peter Pans. They were real serious about it though, with a look on their faces like "This is so awesome" and then they would jump kick the air and thrash the guitar for good measure. The whole time I'm sitting there thinking that this has to be some kind of joke, and I turn and ask my brothers, who are into that type of shit (by that I mean punk and emo.) They told me that no, it wasn't a joke, but these "musicians" do the aerial maneuvers to attract attention and be cool. I was thinking about how things have changed since I was in school, because I'm pretty sure that the kid who flew down the hallways pirouetting this way and that got his ass beat 24/7, and now all he has to do is put on some jeans with a holes in them and some Converse All-Stars and learn how to play rudimentary guitar and he's the coolest shit in town. I thought I had seen it all and then it showed a shot of the awesome fans of these urban ballerinas. The fans were all stomping around angrily like "nobody will change my poopy diaper!" and then they too would occasionally jump and twirl, with a little bit of arm swinging. At first I thought it was strange that rather mediocre and un-rocking music would have a Korn-esque moshpit, so I turned once again to the fountains of emo knowledge that are my two siblings. The fans call themselves "straight edge" and don't drink or smoke. The way they get by in life is to punch each other in the face in a Disneyland moshpit. I have never seen a group of people who needed marijuana more in my entire life. It is now my goal to scoop up some Rastafarians straight from Jamaica and take them to the Warped Tour next year to help me chill these kids the fuck out.


Danger: Rocking may make you look like an idiot.
photo courtesy of falloutboyrock.com