Fashion

The other day I was skimming through a new mens' magazine called DETAILS (it's all about the details, get it?!?) which basically means the whole magazine is a cheap attempt to sell accessories to men. For the longest time accessorizing for men meant putting on a fedora, hanging a cigarette from your lips, and punching out someone for a match. All of a sudden that isn't good enough anymore. This magazine attempts to tell you what belts you can and cannot wear with a suit and sneakers. That's right, a suit with sneakers is the new cool thing, it's the new slap bracelet, it's the new Reebok Pump, its the new Hardy Boys, it's the new Eurythmics. I know what you're going to say; something along the lines of "the Eurythmics were never cool." And what I say is, skill at sarcasm is something you're born with, just like a low IQ. Accessorizing for men and women has finally evened out, in my opinion. Men are buying into it because it is so hard nowadays to "stand out." To "be unique." Take a look at the accessory girls at Whitman. Most of the time you look like you're playing dress-up with mommy's old clothes, but if you make something work, maybe you'll get the fashion credit you're so desperate for. It's how you distinguish yourself. You're cool if you stick a playing card in your off-kilter baseball cap. You're cool if you wear sunglasses indoors. You're cool if your jewelry says someting about YOU. You're cool like the Eurythmics.

The term "metrosexual" isn't cool to use anymore since metrosexuals stopped referring to themselves as such. There needs to be a new catchphrase when referring to men who use "product" instead of gel and who layer the same type of shirt upon itself, i.e. pink and purple Polos with the collar standing straight up like a good Hitler youth. I don't think metrosexual was a particularly good phrase to begin with. Suggesting that sexuality has something to do with fashion sense is a bit odd, especially since there seems to be a large number of gay cowboys running all over the place in recent months. I also don't think anyone has sexual desire for a new belt, but I did see a guy hump his new car once, so I could be wrong.

I shall call them dandies. A dandy seems appropriate, since dandy refers to dress and behavior and not sexuality and living location. You don't have to live in the city to be a dandy, you just have to want to wear a leather wristband while you're playing country music. Toby Keith is a freakin' dandy. So is Rascal Flatts. Colin Farrell is also a dandy, but he beats reporters up to try and cover up this fact. He also smokes cigarettes, which I think he does to make himself seem less like a dandy, when in fact smoking makes you moreso. Dandies are everywhere, and I'm not saying dandies are bad. What I am saying is that someone should make a new, hip store that is called "Modern Dandy" and sell a tie clip for $400.