Beer Mile from a safe distance

Like many college campuses, Whitman has its eccentric annual traditions. The Ye Olde Ren Faire, the Choral Competition, and of course the inevitable burning of the student union building. That was up until we build a new one that isn't called "Student Union" anymore. Just days ago my friends and I witnessed a favorite tradition of many students, the Beer Mile.

Beer Mile takes place on the last day of the school year's classes, the midnight before Reading Day (when you're encouraged to sleep off your hangover and maybe consider studying.) Hundreds of Beer Mile inclined students gather on the central field in various states of undress and intoxication, and when the clock strikes midnight, they run. They're kind of like antelope though, because if one skittish freshman drunkenly bolts, everyone follows, least the Beer Mile start without them.

According to popular understanding, Beer Mile is nothing unique to Whitman and there are in fact people who take the activity very seriously in the "real world". Not a hobby per se, but a sort of off-season sport for desperate alcoholic cross-country goons, Beer Mile technically involves the pounding of beers over the course of a mile run. Finish a lap, finish a beer, x4.

This year myself and several calm compatriots chose not to run, instead showing up to offer support to our less than cognizant companions. It feels a little weird to be standing around smoking cigarettes while nude hordes are parading in front of you, but I suppose Hugh Hefner's gotten used to it. My astronaut bag of wine helped. I believe that you can participate in the spirit of Beer Mile without necessarily running naked, but then again I'm a pussy.

There is one kind of Beer Mile spirit which I am confidently disapproving of, however, and that is the person with the camera. I am well aware that there is no law preventing you from photographing anything that is happening out in public, however to do so at Beer Mile makes you an ass. Let's face it, there is no reason you could give with a straight face for wanting a bunch of butt-ass naked pictures of people you see in class every day. And that reason you're giving with a crooked face is real unpleasant, Mister.

I saw a local man at Beer Mile, clearly older by a decade than any student. His hair was long and his glasses were pushed up on the bridge of his nose to best put the event into focus. I noticed him when he said aloud to no one in particular "Awn, camera ain't workin'!" I would have liked to maybe trip him or rob him of his feelings of security, but honest to God, that man was sad enough already.