Black Friday. Fingers greasy and that dulled, over-fed haze in the eyes, millions of people go to bed early on Thanksgiving. They set two alarm clocks. They go to bed in their clothes. Whatever it takes to wake up at 4 a.m. so that the best deals will not be missed. This day is the awful mutant offspring of capitalism. We have created a day solely dedicated to shopping. Not only shopping, but gladiator shopping. Like the frenzied warriors of ancient Rome, television advertisements will rile mothers into a frenzy with the announcement of a 3 hour sale spanning from 4 to 7 a.m. on Black Friday. They will prepare these mothers for battle by offering free coffee and doughnuts at the door. Once the doors open, generally friendly people will destroy each other for crappy gifts. Grown men will shove old ladies out of the way. Old ladies will scream at children. Children will scurry onto an overweight woman in an electric wheelchair and quickly pick her apart until a only fat skeleton remains and goes rolling into a stack of Barbie dolls, toppling the pyramid of boxes.
That being said, if you get in my way on Friday while I try to buy my sister a Spongebob Gameboy, I will net you and slay you with my trident.
yeah, last year I remember reading an article where someone actually DIED in an early morning stampede at a retail outlet. This morning I was just reading about how 10 police officers in maryland had to break up a huge brawl at a wal-mart over the new xbox360.
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