Why Back To The Future is the best teen movie of all time

I got thinking on this topic the other night when I was headed out to an 80's themed party and dressed up as Marty McFly from Back To The Future II (I say II because I had some silver futuristic-looking sunglasses on my head.) I began to try and analyze why the trilogy has had such an impact on people of my age group. I realized that these movies are so awesome because so many teenagers are consumed by their social status. Look at all the other teen movies from the 80's, they're filled with scenes of nerds getting their pants pulled down by jocks and the ugly girls getting teased at prom. In these movies, the story is always a happy ending, but in real life, the nerds and ugly kids leave the theater and they are still what they were when they went in; the cheerleader and quarterback suddenly don't decide that they are looking for something more than physical beauty and jump into the outcasts' arms. Back To The Future provides an opportunity to completely erase who you were and what bad things happened to you when you were growing up. Instead of letting kids fantasize about someday rising out of their hell and marrying the prom queen, they could instead dream about proactively changing all the shit that has happened to them. That bully that makes fun of you? Don't hope someday that he'll get cancer, go BACK IN TIME and fuck his life up.
Remember the throngs of Dungeons & Dragons fans that suddenly exploded in number during the 80's? Coincidence? I think not. You can directly trace the popularity of D&D to Back To The Future. It's science. Kids weren't happy with watching movies that showed shit that might happen to them. They wanted to be in control. That's why video games are hot shit right now and Choose-Your-Own-Adventure books are being used as toilet paper by some homeless guy or to roll joints. Kids want control, they don't want to be told "look at what might or might not happen to you."
Some of you intellectuals out there might say something to me like "I saw Finding Neverland, and Peter Pan is a character that shows kids that they can escape. In that play/movie/porno, Peter Pan was a kid who had complete control over his life." To this I say, would you rather fly around in tights and live in a hovel with a bunch of fat kids or would you rather travel back/forward in time in a short-lived 80's sports car?

For Hire

I went to a meeting today to start off the semester for the Whitman College Pioneer newspaper and discovered that they had hired FOUR film reviewers. Last semester this position was held by myself and friend, and we managed to get the job done just fine, because we were partners. He wasn't a sidekick like Robin was to Batman, he was more like a Ken to my Ryu. Anyway, when they hired four film reviewers, my first thought was "this new editor is a fucking moron," but I kind of already knew that from the beginning. I knew he wouldn't settle the matter on his own, so I decided I would go talk to the other two people on behalf of myself and my partner. This was an awkward meeting, because I didn't really know how to react. I didn't want to work with these two people, and I thought that my seniority should give me priority over these rookies. The conversation was a little too accommodating considering what was coming out of my mouth was nothing like what I was thinking in my head. When I said, "yeah, let's work something out so we can all work together" I really meant "I don't want to work with you at all, get the hell out of my house!" It was awkward because you could tell that everyone there thought they were the only person hired for the job, and really all of us only wanted to do the job on our own. It's kind of like if you were a hitman and when you got to the victim's house you found out that three other hitmen were hired to kill the same person. If you were a hitman though, you would just get in a shootout with the other three and whoever survived would get to go and kill the person in the house for the money. I didn't have the convenience of handling the situation with a shootout; but I also kind of find firearms scary (except in video games) and I didn't really want to KILL these other people, I just wanted to make sure that their opinions on various new films were never printed on newsprint.
Ultimately we all agreed to a rotation type thing and do two new reviews each week unless only one film was opening, then we would do a new DVD review. Not a bad deal, but I still might hire a hitman just so I can have some closure.

Grand Re-Opening

So the Monstrosity officially had their first party on Saturday. We have setup down to an art so we were ready to go in no time. People started rolling in at about 10pm and then SHIT WENT CRAZY. There were people in every room on the first floor of the house. There was so many people that you had to push just to get in the door. A lot of people actually turned around and left because they couldn't even get into the house and they were scantily clad in whore's uniforms, which isn't the proper attire for cold weather (though it was the proper attire for hot Monstro.) The same was true for inside the house, where people had to force their way to the keg all night. At one point we actually bought an additional 128 beers from Apex and handed them out to help ease the crowd, and that was after the FIRST keg had run out.
Old reliable came through at DJ, Mr. Diego Baca. He basically made it that much easier for everyone who wanted to hook up to make their dreams come true. There has been 2 rumored cases of sex during the party, and I confirmed one of them by actually forcing in a door and seeing 2 people having sex in the bathtub. It was kick-ass. The other case was left unconfirmed, but I did see the couple up against a wall on the dancefloor, and if someone asked me "Hey, what are those two doing over there?" I would have answered "that girl is trying to cut that guy in half with her thighs" or "they are having sex" or "freakin' porkin'." Speaking of the dancefloor, though sex was rare making out wasn't. In the picture you can see one couple on the left edge, and another in top right corner of the picture. Those of you with a discerning eye will spot that our good friend Paulia is one of the offenders.
I must add quickly that Garrett's parents came to visit him this weekend and he had them stay in his room. So when the party started, Garrett's parents were chilling in his room. At one point I went upstairs and saw Garrett's dad sitting there talking to a few guys and drinking a cold one. I made a mental note on the chillness of Garrett's dad when Clark runs up the stairs and yells "chug those beers you pussies!" and no one listens to Clark EXCEPT Garrett's dad, who downs his beer like a pro, crushes it, and throws it on the ground. I walked downstairs after making an update to my mental note on the chillness of Garrett's dad.
Now what would a party at the Monstro be without a big showing of creepy townies? The gold medal went to some 40 year-old guy who kept walking around trying to freak with girls on the dancefloor. The last time I saw him he was walking out the door following a girl who was noticably trying to ditch him. He was saying something nonsensical, but I was calmed to see that she was retreating to a group of guys and the sketchy Magoo character slinked off down the alley. The silver medal goes to a Mexican guy with a camera phone. He stood for a good 20 minutes taking snapshots of 2 unamed senior DG's who were dancing and feeling each other up on a table. I would have thought it would get old after a while, and though admittedly hot, it would just be creepy to actually document something like that. The bronze medal goes to the townie who stopped me in the middle of the party to ask me if I knew a lot of people at the party. I said I did, and he asked me which girl would be an easy piece of ass. Since Dawe was gone I really didn't have much to give him, so I just told him to take his pick and try his luck. He ended up joining the other dudes to watch the two DG's.
I leave you with a somewhat troubling shot of the outside of the Monstro with about an inch of sweat dripping off of the windows. This place was packed.

The Tit Shirt

This evening, seventeen ex-B-section bros attended dinner in the Prentiss Dining Hall. To say it was crazy would be an understatement. For any of you who remember what it was like dining with B-section, you may remember our little tradition of cheering everyone from the section into the dining hall. I can honestly say a lot of people began to get really freaked out. A lot of screaming occured, mainly from Aaron and Clark. Clark ended up making a 12-inch ice cream cone and deepthroating half of it, then promptly hurting his neck and slamming the other 6 inches down onto his plate. Then Lane smashed a cone into the side of Gus' head.
As we were getting ready to leave, we noticed a girl talking to some friends. I think her name is Jenna and she lives with Paulina. Anyway, she had a Bon Apetit shirt on, since she was technically working, though she managed to spend a lot of time visiting and not making me a damn sandwich. She also had an apron on, which was the same color as her shirt. The apron covered "Bon Ape..." so the only thing you could see from a distance was a shirt that said "tit" in capital letters over her right breast. Everyone laughed their asses of. Then Aaron took Dan's cell phone, went to "get carrots" and snapped a picture of the tit shirt. I will try to get the picture up soon for everyone to see, but we're having some trouble getting it off Dan's damn phone.

For those of you abroad in or around the UK (or those just into music from there), I just got two slick new records that I really love. The first one is the new Chemical Brothers album Push The Button. It's a nice progression from their older stuff, with a lot of guest vocalists and some more chilled out beats that I really enjoy. The second album is 64'-95' by Lemon Jelly. This album is cool because they took a song from ten different years and in the time period spanned by the album title and remixed them. Check both of them out, and even if you aren't into the music, if you're abroad you can drop "The new Chemical Brothers album is amazing!" at parties and everyone will think you're cool. Plus, you can tell them what you're wearing is "the top fashion" in the U.S., even though we both know you just took your crappy jeans and Whitman Beer Mile shirts.

Party this weekend, I'll have pics of that once it's over and done.

Ubertongue

So I've spent two nights in the Monstrosity so far this semester, and already I can tell that last semester will barely scratch the surface of the craziness that is going to ensue this semester.

Saturday night Julian and I had a few beers and went over to Jenna's, where Julian proceeded to invent Ubertongue, where he talks as fast as he can while trying to remain coherent. Needless to say the second part failed miserably, but no doubt Julian will try this new language every time he gets some sort of drug or alcohol into his system.

Gus showed up yesterday with Aaron and the first thing Gus did was back his truck into the light post out in front of the house.



Then there was a thirty minute conversation on whether or not we are going to have a Goat Roast this semester, and it was a unanimous decision that when it came time to kill the goat to roast it, Garrett was going to open up on it with whatever assault rifle he current has IN HIS CLOSET (this is true, and he admitted it in front of Paulina...) Aaron then came up with the idea to use the goat as a pinata, and it just declined from there on.

My room is finally set up completely; here is a picture of my room, and a picture of the antique record player I set up my speakers inside of.

Wine and Pie

So, I made it to Walla Walla just in time. A few short hours after getting into town it started snowing and hasn't stopped. A lot of people are getting stranded different places because down in Portland it was ice, not snow. So far Julian and Garrett are the only other two that have made it back to the Monstrosity. I got to each some home cooked food courtesy of Sara and Lena who came over and made some delcious chili and later made some apple pies for everyone. With the bit of wine included, it should be a good remedy for the cold weather.
I'm almost completely moved into my new room, and it's looking pretty good. I found a vintage record player built into a case with speakers at the thrift store today for $15. I put some computer speakers inside of it so I get modern sound with a vintage look, and it gives me a pretty unique surround sound in my room. I'll post a picture once I get it. I probably will post pictures of my new room too, and for everyone who has left I'll put up pictures of what has been done to your rooms by the new people moving in.
I'm going to go have more wine and pie.

How to get new stuff without paying for it

My world is full of upgrades. I left from first semester with dated technology, but I am returning with the spoils of war. First on my list was this hot number, the new slimline Plastation Two:

And to ease the aching heart of my loving girlfriend, I got it for next to nothing because I just traded my old horse-drawn Playstation2 for this brand new one at minimal cost (and because I know a guy.)

Just as black and bit smaller is my next upgrade, which is this sweet new cell phone.


Once again I must slow Kaylin's fears that I've already started to succumb to consumerism by saying that I got this one for NOTHING because I get to trade in my phone every year due to some new deal T-Mobile has about feeling guilty for their insane service charges.

Tomorrow I'm returning to Walla Walla with all my Christmas presents and this new stuff I got, so I'll be seeing all of you non-abroad people very soon. To everyone else who is reading from overseas, I expect lots of pictures and at least one crazy story involving a Pakistani, regardless of where you may be studying.

Economics of Sharing

So I wanted to upgrade my cellphone, so I went to the Tmobile booth in the lovely Target Superstore just down the street from my house. I walk around inside for a while and I see these two little kids yelling at each other. At first my thoughts were "how cute, these kids know nothing of disease, famine, or the thinning ozone, yet they still think their problems are important." I strolled over to observe this natural event of surival of the fittest play out. One kid was obviously older and much bigger than the other, so I assumed whatever it was they were fighting over would end up in his hands. It was a book or a cookie or something, I don't remember. Anyway, as the kids yell and scream I start thinking "Where are their parents? These kids making all this noise is tainting my shopping experience. These kids need to learn some limits." Then, honest to god, the smaller kid says "Don't be an indian giver!" My jaw hit the floor. Not only was this a blatant example of how racism is ingrained into kids, but there was a real, live Indian standing right there! The kids stopped yelling for a moment and stared over at him. A single tear fell from the Indian's eyes, and his feathered headdress blew in the wind. Then he quickly ran over and snatched the thing that the kids had been fighting over. He darted out of the store and suffice it to say he got away, considering the security guard is a guy I graduated from high school with who got busted selling coke his first semester of college.

Sarah Dawe inspires us all

So I got a sweet Idea from my friend Sarah Dawe. Since she was venturing into the blog universe to let me know how things were going on the other side of the pond, I figured I'd do the same, but from the other-other side of the pond (original side of the pond; America.) I hope you notice that I capitalized Idea, because it's more epic that way, like an epic semester abroad or an epic trip to the Apex (Apex n. 1. A sketchy corner store that sells too much porn and knives and not enough delicious snacks.)
Upon typing "an epic trip to the Apex" I have just realized something. The Apex could quite possibly be the most contradictory business title I have ever heard. This store is not the apex of anything. One would think a corner store titled "The Apex" would sell solid gold beverage cups and have white tigers that ride you around in the store while you shop for a variety of gourmet foods like caviar and truffles. The Apex, in reality, is quite possibly the lowest point when it comes to providing foodstuffs to the population. Every time I go in there the guy behind the counter tells me how wasted he got last weekend. I can buy a hat that says "CIA" on it and get an armload of Tail Gunners magazine, but it seems to be beyond their capacity to get a real Slurpee machine.

Private note to the inspiration: Sorry about the Chargers.