Why'd I read that?

The problem with getting your news from the internet is that the internet makes a lot of things "news." Sometimes I don't even realize there is a scandal going on that "the media can't stop covering" because I'm too busy thinking about foot-long corn dogs and how one would go about eating such a thing. Why do I care more about foot-long corn dogs more than I care about some polo-playing couple sneaking into the White House Dinner? I care more about corn dogs because if I'm going to waste my time on something, I would rather waste my time on something I GIVE A SHIT ABOUT. Corn dogs are delicious. You get them at places that usually have interesting people walking around. People that are real. When you see some mom grab her kid by the wrist and start to slap the kid on the butt while balancing a box of chili fries in the other hand, that is real life. The people who snuck into the White House Dinner, they aren't real. They're fake, they're imaginary. They only exist because the media made them exist. I don't know anyone who plays fucking polo. Why not? Those people aren't real people. They don't play polo because they enjoy it, they play polo because others cannot. They tried to attend the White House Dinner because others cannot attend. They are status whores, they had no motivation beyond that. "We thought we were invited," they said. Of course you did. You had to have been, you're better than the people who go to state fairs. You're better than people who enjoy watching movies. You're better than people who mow their own lawns. Those people didn't get invited to the White House Dinner.

Give me a foot-long corn dog any day. Serve it up on the White House lawn. We'll play football with Troy Polamalu.