So Whitman was going to give a bunch of students who wanted to start a Co-op organic foods store something like $35,000 to help them get started. Whitman was going to give them this money because at the time it was believed that the student funds had a $70,000 surplus. It turns out that really wasn't a surplus but we were something like $45,000 in the RED, and so it would seem the Co-op can't get its money. Not to simple, it would seem. Due to some weaseling the people in charge of getting the Co-op started have managed to dig around in the bylaws of the student government and find about 1000 little loopholes to try and get their money still. I thought this Co-op thing was kind of a hair-brained scheme to begin with, but now with them trying to use the books to get their cash, its getting kind of rediculous.
Students don't really have an option in this matter, its up to the student representatives to vote whether or not the Co-op gets their cash. I think there should at least be some sort of selection of projects that the cash could go to, not just the Co-op or nothing at all. I've doctored up a little list of other cool student projects that could use a $35,000 jump start:
1) Whitman College Formula One Racing Team. With $35,000 we could buy a pretty good engine and maybe a used chassis. I would drive the race car and everyone else who joined the team would work as pit crew and mechanics, as well as some guys up in the booth. Since we would be the only collegiate F1 team, we'd win the championship every year. That's better than any other Whitman varsity sport can boast by a long shot. I would also settle for a go-kart track.
2) Buy a huge aquarium. Nothing says "legitimate place of higher learning" better than a gigantic salt-water aquarium full of sharks and turtles. Prospective students will be awed into attending Whitman. A good alternative would be to buy a tank for dolphins and hold weekly stunt shows with the smart little bastards doing flips and hitting beach balls. Admission free for students and faculty!
3) A Gravitron. The physics department could use it for experiements(?) and it would be pretty cool to see a bunch of drunk students stumbling into the Gravitron on a friday night, jamming the start button and then blowing chunks all over the walls as the Eurythmics blasts in the background. To add to the realsim I bet we could get a real-live carney to sit by it and hit on all the females that get on.
4) Clone dinosaurs by splicing their DNA with frog DNA, then contain them in poorly-built holding pens around campus while we give tours. If you all have seen Jurassic Park, you know how awesome this would be. We would most likely have to hire an Australian game hunter to cover our asses, but to cut corners I'm pretty sure there is someone in the theater department who can fake the accent.
These are just a few options of other projects that, in my opinion, are much more beneficial to the student body and the Walla Walla community. The Co-op or a freakin' race car? If you pick organic museli over a shark tank then you need a CAT scan.
drew is funny.
ReplyDeleteWhat's funniest about this is that Drew has put forth a bunch of ridiculous schemes that would benefit the fewest Whitties for the greatest amount of investment; and then ASWC passed the Co-Op, just as ridiculous a cause. Whatever, I don't care a shilling about any debates over idealism vs. pragmatism, or popularity contests determining those who represent us vs. democracy, or even a poop about organic food.
ReplyDeleteI can say, at least a few people have experimented outside the theoretical boundaries of their politics major and repeated the ever-present doctrine of both American political parties -- spend, regardless.
If people are so upset about it, inact the old British tradition and burn an effigy of all your senators.
As for me, Kentucky sells potent munitions, and I'm a click away from an eBay order full of high explosives for the day that ASWC breaks ground with a golden spade and hits an AP mine.