Too slow, old man

I spent my entire weekend - 8:30am to 6pm, Saturday and Sunday - at a financial modeling seminar. I learned some cool stuff, but I also got rebuked because of, of all things, my age.

Take a quick look at the following list:

Fastest Times:
35	Seconds		Yao Choong		Moelis & Co.		University of Pennsylvania		8/12/09
36	Seconds		Alan Hsieh		Credit Suisse		University of Pennsylvania		8/18/08
36	Seconds		David Berglas		Credit Suisse		Richard Ivey School of Business		8/6/10
37	Seconds		Olivia John		Blackstone		University of Pennsylvania		7/26/07
38	Seconds		Austin Peterson		UBS		Duke University		8/1/08
39	Seconds		Jason Lee		Morgan Stanley		University of California - Berkeley		8/1/08
39	Seconds		Donald Zhang		Lazard		Dartmouth College		7/24/09
40	Seconds		Ang Lee		Jefferies & Co.		University of Pittsburgh		7/20/07
40	Seconds		Benjamin Rafetto		Société Générale		Dickinson College		8/10/09
41	Seconds		Robert Volpe		Morgan Stanley		Dartmouth College		7/27/06
42	Seconds		Shane Hwang		BofA		New York University		7/24/08
42	Seconds		Will Brugh		Jefferies & Co.		University of North Carolina		7/25/08
43	Seconds		Fernando Oura		Itau BBA		University of Sao Paulo		12/18/09
44	Seconds		Andy Cao		Citigroup		University of Pennsylvania		7/30/10
45	Seconds		Raheem Choudhry		Morgan Stanley		University of Virginia		7/27/06
45	Seconds		Kevin Curry		Wachovia		Vanderbilt University		6/27/07
47	Seconds		Sam Lundin		Lazard		Cornell University		8/10/07
47	Seconds		Danny Pho		KeyBank		Case Western Reserve Univ.		9/12/08
47	Seconds		Jamie Harvey		Credit Suisse (Europe)		Oxford University		8/28/09
48	Seconds		Imran Choudhury		Jefferies & Co.		University of Richmond		7/25/08
48	Seconds		Mihail Ivanov		Société Générale		University of Chicago		8/10/09
49	Seconds		Jamie Seltzer		UBS		University of Pennsylvania		8/19/10
50	Seconds		Goeffrey Adler		Barclays		Colgate University		7/30/09
50	Seconds		Sampath Jinadasa		Credit Suisse		Stanford University		8/13/09
50	Seconds		Shutong Zhang		Perella Weinberg		University of Pennsylvania		8/28/09
51	Seconds		Keith Collins		Wachovia		Duke University		7/14/06
51	Seconds		Dusko Djukic		KeyBank		Case Western Reserve Univ.		9/20/06
51	Seconds		Zhou Zhang		Wachovia		Vanderbilt University		6/27/07
51	Seconds		Jackie Cobb		Jefferies & Co.		University of Michigan		7/20/07
51	Seconds		James Blanchard		UBS		Yale University		8/3/07
51	Seconds		Derek Weiss		William Blair & Co.		Dartmouth College		7/10/09
51	Seconds		Nate Barajas		William Blair & Co.		University of Illinois - Urbana C.		7/9/10
51	Seconds		Albert Chiang		Jefferies & Co.		UCLA		7/22/10
52	Seconds		Keima Ueno		Morgan Stanley		Tokyo University		8/3/07
52	Seconds		Dan Yu		Wells Fargo Securities		Wake Forest University		7/21/10
52	Seconds		Michael Burke		UBS		Duke University		8/20/10
53	Seconds		Thomas Akiyama		BofA		UC Berkeley		7/30/04
53	Seconds		Ivan La Frinere		Credit Suisse		California Institute of Technology		8/18/06
53	Seconds		Rawen Huang		Morgan Stanley		Yale University		8/3/07
53	Seconds		Matt Remsen		Jefferies & Co.		Kalamazoo College		7/22/10
54	Seconds		Greg Chory		BMO		Emory University		8/8/08
54	Seconds		Andrew Blickensderfer		KeyBank		Miami University (OH)		9/12/08
54	Seconds		Tom Fang		Walton Street Capital		University of Pennsylvania		7/23/10
55	Seconds		Michael C Meng		Lazard		University of Michigan		8/4/06
55	Seconds		Jonathan Fisher		Royal Bank of Scotland		Miami University (OH)		12/11/06
55	Seconds		Roman Pedan		Walton Street Capital		University of Pennsylvania		7/23/10
55	Seconds		Kevin Shiiba		Perella Weinberg		Georgetown University		8/20/10
56	Seconds		David Sokoler		Lazard		Harvard University		8/4/06
56	Seconds		Mike Moran		Jefferies & Co.		University of Pennsylvania		7/25/08
57	Seconds		Matt Collins		Credit Suisse		U. of Wisconsin		8/26/05
58	Seconds		Brent Frissora		BofA		Harvard University		7/28/06
58	Seconds		Mike Daylamani		Credit Suisse		Princeton University		8/18/06
59	Seconds		Tim Hannan *		Merrill Lynch		Tuck, Dartmouth		10/11/07
59	Seconds		Taylor Hendricks *		Morgan Stanley		Fuqua, Duke		8/14/08

These are the record times to complete a financial modeling exercise in MS Excel. The exercise basically tests how much of an Excel ninja you are. Thousands of business majors and MBAs have tried it, so there's a pretty sizable sample of skilled folks giving it a shot.

It took me just over five minutes to complete after a couple rounds of practice. With some more work, I think I could get it done in under three, but any faster than that is realistically pushing it for my abilities (thank god I am NOT a finance guy).

If you do it in under a minute, your name goes on the wall. Have a cookie.

...

That some people push very context-limited skills to their extremes is nothing new - witness Clark's track times on the original Mario Cart. I have no problem getting beat at such tasks/skills/tests by these people (though I'm proud to say that I have shown Clark Toad's rear bumper a time or two).

What I have a problem with is being told I can't even compete at something if I wanted to because I'm too old.

Becoming too old to compete in tests of skill you once could is a fact of life. Just ask Brett Favre. Or any female gymnast who can legally drink.

But it had never happened to me until yesterday.

After going through this exercise the moderator showed us the list above. He then pointed out that only two people on the list, out of about 60, are MBA students - and they're both right at the bottom. Sounds counter-intuitive, right? Afterall, to even be in an MBA program you have to have several years of work experience, and these peeps were likely financial analysts on Wall Street honing their Excel and modeling skills for a couple years in an environment where seconds matter. So why don't more make the cut?

Because, as the instructor explained, us MBAs are too old. By virtue of the fact that most of us are 6-10 years older than the 21 year-old financial phenoms on this list, our reflexes are actually measurably slower than theirs. "You're too slow, you old farts!"

And so at the ripe old age of 27 I was dealt my first ever "you're too old to hack it" moment. I fear this is the first in an ever growing cascade of such moments, until I'm finally too old to do anything at all and just die. I spent the rest of my Sunday evening pondering my own mortality during Simpsons commercial breaks.


Damn you MS Excel. Damn you financial modeling. Damn you 21 year-olds and your lightning fast reflexes.