I recently joined a very small theater company where I do improv once a week. They sent an email out offering a class on the Meisner technique and their advertising for it went as follows:
Meisner technique revolutionized American Theater and it is the technique utilized by such theater greats as: Robert Duval, David Mamet, Sandra Bullock, Kim Basinger, and Joanne Woodword.
SANDRA BULLOCK? WHAT THE FUCK??? Did I miss some incredible acting in Speed or Miss Congeniality (or the sequel)? Good god! I thought the Eddie Griffin pitch was off but this is as bad as it gets.
"Learn to act as well as Sandra Bullock and Kim Basinger."
"Learn to play piano like Helen Keller."
"Learn to see like Stevie Wonder."
"Learn to be small like Drew."
"Learn to be hairless/clothed like Aaron Mandel."
I mean seriously.
9/22/08
Big Brass Ones
Our dear friend Sam Johnson of the friendly rival Glider Bison blog is in need of some desperate help. One of two things has happened, he has either gone so crazy at Burning Man that only a padded room can save him or he has elephantitis, a disease where the balls grow bigger than you could imagine (I would hyperlink to something on that one, but maybe some moms still read this). Nothing else except one of those two theories would explain why he would enter a bicycling race looking like this:
Liberal America, I ask you, is this the kind of man we want working on the Obama campaign as we enter the critical stretch run?
Liberal America, I ask you, is this the kind of man we want working on the Obama campaign as we enter the critical stretch run?
9/19/08
Grandma knows best
I had dinner with my grandparents last night and the topic of conversation quickly turned to politics. My grandma was lamenting the fact that because she is 92 she can't get involved like she used and proceeded to rattle off stories that made it sound like she committed hugely fraudulent acts decades ago in san francisco politics.
Then she proceeded to produce one of the most hilarious theories I'd ever heard. She was saying how like minded people needed to get linked together and that book clubs are making a resurgence so she tasked "young people who know how the internet works" to find a way to link middle and upper class book club types with each other to read books about liberal causes and getting Obama elected. What an idea! Maybe the Monstro Blog should be the first brave foot soldier in this new movement.
Also, I heard some rumblings about the economy tanking, but then I watched this CNN report about it, and if Howard Stern can still afford to get people to act like 12 year-old's for his own self-pleasure I think we are doing just fine, calm down people.
Then she proceeded to produce one of the most hilarious theories I'd ever heard. She was saying how like minded people needed to get linked together and that book clubs are making a resurgence so she tasked "young people who know how the internet works" to find a way to link middle and upper class book club types with each other to read books about liberal causes and getting Obama elected. What an idea! Maybe the Monstro Blog should be the first brave foot soldier in this new movement.
Also, I heard some rumblings about the economy tanking, but then I watched this CNN report about it, and if Howard Stern can still afford to get people to act like 12 year-old's for his own self-pleasure I think we are doing just fine, calm down people.
9/17/08
Burn (yourself) After (watching)
I saw the new Coen Brothers movie "Burn After Reading" recently and I didn't like it at all. I don't know why I even saw it other than that mainstream pop culture has been slobbing these guys' nobs harder than ever after "No Country For Old Men", which to be totally transparent I didn't see (or read the book). This movie had an amazing cast, George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Frances McDormand, John Malkovich and a few other Coen mainstays who didn't disappoint. Except Pitt, he sucked, the usual charm of Clooney and Pitt, you know them seeming like they are having so much fun onscreen was over the top for Pitt, he just was so blatantly ACTING, it sucked. Everyone else was great, Malkovich is a fucking gem but the movie itself wasn't really a movie. I mean sure, it had a plot and all, but it was really just some really well done scenes strung together which left you wanting more and confused at the end. Film geeks/buffs might have loved it, there might have been homage to styles of Hollywood past or whatever, but it just felt like they were having too much fun themselves and not really thinking of the movie goer which makes me worry whether these guys, after a number of hits from the 80's through the 00's have jumped the shark.
9/11/08
9/8/08
Bad Marketing
I recently saw a comedy club advertising Eddie Griffin coming to do a stand up show. The ad said "Eddie Griffin- star of 'Norbit'". Star of fucking "Norbit"? Good god, that's like marketing yourself to your significant other's family as the guy who takes undercover shits in their flower beds.
Why they would not mention the fact that Griffin once totaled a car practicing for a charity racing event that was such a limited edition it was one of only 50 in the world. After totaling it, he said "Undercover brother can't drive" and walked off.
He also had a heart attack on the set of his old show "Malcolm and Eddie" while salsa dancing.
The comedy club could have said any of these things and people would have shown up but I guarantee no one is coming now because of "Norbit".
That's bad marketing.
Turn It On!
The Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland is about to be turned on. I'll let your read the article to see the scientific merits of such a project. The interesting part is that there is a small chance that once it turns on all sorts of crazy physics phenomena could occur, most notably the creation of black holes that will suck up the Earth. I really doubt this will happen, but maybe a bunch of random people across the globe will get some superpowers. That would be pretty interesting.
9/7/08
9/6/08
Chez Convention
You know I was hoping the Republicans could cook up something a little better than what we got served the last few nights at the RNC. All the Republicans could do was flop some smelly old fish like John McCain onto the Republican plates and then when they realized that the fish may be a few too many days out o' the freezer they paniced and hoped maybe squeezing a little lemon onto it would cover up the smell. The problem with lemons is that they're really good for adding flavor to things, but nobody wants to eat a lemon whole. Take away the fish, and nobody wants a goddamn lemon for dinner. I doubt most Republicans want that lemon Sarah Palin for President. They just like the idea of zest. They want some flavor. The problem is they are impatient cooks. The Republicans ran to the grocery store, saw that big old fish, and didn't bother to check what was fresh because they were in a hurry and were using a really old recipe.
Barack Obama, on the other hand, is a big stew-pot of delicious goodness. A slow-cooked jambalaya. All sorts of spices and everyone can smell it down the street and they're starting to line up with empty bowls and hungry eyes. The Democrats did a good job of choosing their meal, and they did a good job choosing their side dish. They went with some nice, trusty baked bread. Joe Biden can sop up any of the juices that are leftover when everyone's done with supper and Obama needs a guy like that. He needs a guy that will follow the flavor and pizazz and help keep the bowls clean. Nobody likes doing dishes, and everybody likes bread. It goes well with almost anything. It's the common man's food.
All in all I give the RNC a rating of 2 stars. The restaurant was way too busy, the servers were a little too old to keep the pace and the fish wasn't fresh at all. I wanted something springy and refreshing but all that was on the menu was the same old bland fare. I was left dissapointed with my meal.
The DNC gets 4 stars. Upbeat atmosphere, good ambiance, and everyone there seemed to be enjoying their food. I could have done with a better beer selection but it seems like it was kind of a family restaurant so I won't complain.
Barack Obama, on the other hand, is a big stew-pot of delicious goodness. A slow-cooked jambalaya. All sorts of spices and everyone can smell it down the street and they're starting to line up with empty bowls and hungry eyes. The Democrats did a good job of choosing their meal, and they did a good job choosing their side dish. They went with some nice, trusty baked bread. Joe Biden can sop up any of the juices that are leftover when everyone's done with supper and Obama needs a guy like that. He needs a guy that will follow the flavor and pizazz and help keep the bowls clean. Nobody likes doing dishes, and everybody likes bread. It goes well with almost anything. It's the common man's food.
All in all I give the RNC a rating of 2 stars. The restaurant was way too busy, the servers were a little too old to keep the pace and the fish wasn't fresh at all. I wanted something springy and refreshing but all that was on the menu was the same old bland fare. I was left dissapointed with my meal.
The DNC gets 4 stars. Upbeat atmosphere, good ambiance, and everyone there seemed to be enjoying their food. I could have done with a better beer selection but it seems like it was kind of a family restaurant so I won't complain.
9/4/08
Republican Blood Sport
For those of you who like sports, eating meat or just violence, killing and death in general, you should really watch the Republican National Convention. I tuned in last night to catch Rudy Giuliani and Sarah Palin. This shit is unreal! Just watch Giuliani's speech if you don't like to geek out as hard as I do. I was fucking stunned, I shouldn't be after the nasty campaigns Bush has run, but good god these people are shameless. Now I watched the Democratic speeches, and I have an obvious bias being a Democrat, and I saw the nearly teary-eyed, semi-possessed looking folks during Obama's talk, but the rabid and I truly mean rabid crowd at this thing was eating up every attack like it was their first fuckin H.J. at age 16. They punctuated both speeches about "innovative and bold" energy policy by chanting in unison "drill baby drill!" and Giuliani tore Obama a new anal canal for his work as a community organizer, it was brutal, offensive, largely false and without substance, and it made for some damn good TV.
9/3/08
A Capella Against The Machine
Oh man, if you think the modern political protest movements have lost their balls, check out these videos. If you've ever wanted to hear Tom Morello sing his guitar riffs (sad) then this is for you.
9/2/08
In a world....where things are stupid
In keeping with the Monstro Blog tradition of honoring psuedo celebrities, we are sad to report the passing of Don LaFontaine the erstwhile voiceover man for many of Hollywood's finest movies. With his tagline, "in a world..." LaFontaine brought us out of our world and into other worlds, where crazy shit happened. With him there was always potential, the trailer, the best parts of potentially awful movies, he lived a life in peace, away from the bombs of "Jersey Girl" or "Godfather III" and now may he rest in piece "in a world".
Hopefully that peaceful world doesn't include this utterly stupid piece of pop culture, I'd keep writing about this, but I have to go vomit, catch it in my mouth, swallow it and then vomit again, with vigor.
Hopefully that peaceful world doesn't include this utterly stupid piece of pop culture, I'd keep writing about this, but I have to go vomit, catch it in my mouth, swallow it and then vomit again, with vigor.
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