For me, Spring Break is officially over. For others, it will be over on Sunday evening. For another marginal group the big SB will never end because it continues on in their hearts year-round. These are the people wearing flip-flops in the dead of winter and talking about doing things "hella." The perpetual Spring-Breakers don't ever want to live anywhere other than Cancun or Daytona Beach, and undoubtedly their solution for ensuring eternal fun in the sun is something along the lines of teaching surfing lessons or selling fake passports.
When I say SB is over, don't think that anything has actually changed. The legitimacy of saying "I can do this thing I normally wouldn't do because it's SPRING BREAK" is no longer valid. You have to come back to the real world now, in theory. If its Spring Break and you stay up all night drunk and high playing video games, that's cool. Why not go for a pizza and take a nap in the bed of your pickup truck? Fuck it, it's Spring Break. If you did this when it wasn't Spring Break, people might call you a number of names, not the least of which might be "vagrant" or "transient" considering your unusual propensity to sleep in the beds of pickup trucks. Undoubtedly there will be those males at Whitman College and all other colleges around the country who decide this Sunday night will be the night they "party" the "hardest" becuase "it's the last night of Spring Break!" (I am using quotations a lot because you can't say the word "party" with a normal tone of voice; you have to try to mimic Sean Penn in Fast Times At Ridgemont High.) These sad souls will find each other like moths find a burning baby carriage. This is unexplainably sad. For whatever reason, dim-witted nostalgia for dim-witted pastimes is always sad. There are guys out there who really fucking liked the XFL, and it would be sad for me to meet these people and try to have a logical discussion about how shitty the XFL really was, despite the hotness and/or looseness of the team cheerleaders.
I am sure none of the readers of this fine electronic news source would ever dream of such a departure into Neanderthalism. But, if you really must send off Spring Break with a bang, try a new trick I learned and shoot a flare into a McDonald's dumpster. There are colors you wouldn't believe.
I was gonna shoot a flare into a McDonalds dumpster last weekend back home in Tigard. I bought the flare gun at the G.I. Joe's and was gonna go to town when all of a sudden this guy came out and started dumping shit in the dumpster and I was like "Hey man!" and he was like "What are you doing back here?" and so I shot the flare into his chest instead and he lit up with colors you wouldn't believe!
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