Whack-It King

Bring a chapter of the Whack-It King Tournament to your hometown today! Don't know how Whack-It King works? Let me give you a brief history of this tournament.

Many years ago, I played on a state-champion high school football team. We had a lot of free time, so one day several guys invented the Whack-It King Tournament. The WIKT, as it came to be known, is a tournament in which you compete with other contestants to see who can masturbate the most in one single day. The person who sets the record becomes the Whack-It King until someone else REGISTERED in the tournament beats the previous score. I stress the REGISTERED mark because only registered contestants/teams are allowed to compete for the crown...no un-confirmed contestants can hold the Whack-It King title. The WIKT has team and individual crowns. The team crown is awarded to pairs of any sex who provide manual stimulation to each other the most times in a day. It's like a title for getting to 2nd base the most times in one day. The individual title, the real meat-and-potatoes of the tournament, is the most sought-after prize. If you manage to get registered with an active chapter, you may begin competing immediately to gain the crown, which is made of solid gold plastic and has several genuine replica gems set into it.

This tournament is open only to people of high esteem and honor, because you are trusted to be truthful in reporting your scores. There are no referees or judges, simply your peers in the WIKT to judge the truthfulness of your score. It is true that adding 1 here-or-there to your score may not be noticed, but the true WIKT contestant needs no such boost to compete among the elite.

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