With all of Tiger Woods' lies, it's hard to trust athletes anymore these days.
Until now.
Thank you Chan Ho Park for your honest explanation of a bad opening day outing.
4/13/10
4/12/10
Amazingness on two levels
KFC just introduced their new Double Down Sandwich which looks totally fucking disgusting. The classic concept of bread on a sandwich has been replaced by pieces of chicken, interlaced with bacon and cheese. So the first amazing thing is that this exists and people are going to not only eat it without puking but probably enjoy it.
The second amazing thing is that this thing only has 540 calories! I'm no diet or calorie counter guy but I think 2,000 calories a day is a very low/moderate number which means you could eat nearly four of these in one day and still be okay in terms of calories. Does that creep anyone else out? I just picture a bunch of scientists with a huge suction syringe (that is a cool word to type out!) just yoinking calories out of this thing.
Bon Ape-tit.
The second amazing thing is that this thing only has 540 calories! I'm no diet or calorie counter guy but I think 2,000 calories a day is a very low/moderate number which means you could eat nearly four of these in one day and still be okay in terms of calories. Does that creep anyone else out? I just picture a bunch of scientists with a huge suction syringe (that is a cool word to type out!) just yoinking calories out of this thing.
Bon Ape-tit.
Fast poopers
Pooping is to be enjoyed. It's a great activity; not only biologically necessary, but spiritually restorative. Even when rushed, I don't think I've ever pooped in under 3 minutes. I plan for at least 5, and I prefer 10 - just in case. Depends on whether the magazine collection is the local newspaper or the NY Times or Maxim or The Economist, you know?
But there's another kind of person out there. We all know know who they are. That guy or gal who drops a deuce in record time, quietly insinuating through their very rush that you should do the same. The person who is all nonchalant about returning from the bathroom in 20 seconds - and did a lot more than the ol' number one. The kind who are visibly annoyed when you walk out of a meeting "to use the restroom" and come back a full 8 minutes later (what the fuck were they expecting? Oh, yeah, for you to poop as blasphemously as they do).
I don't like these people. They're a strange group, sorta like antique soda bottle collectors, and they weird me out.
In fact, I'd go so far as to say that you can't trust a fast pooper. I'm not saying I'd openly discriminate against a fast pooper per se (though they sure seem to do that to me), and I'm not saying I wouldn't hire one or give up my seat on the bus to an old or pregnant one. Not saying I wouldn't vote for one. But really, let's be honest here: would you let one marry your daughter?
Didn't think so. Me neither.
But there's another kind of person out there. We all know know who they are. That guy or gal who drops a deuce in record time, quietly insinuating through their very rush that you should do the same. The person who is all nonchalant about returning from the bathroom in 20 seconds - and did a lot more than the ol' number one. The kind who are visibly annoyed when you walk out of a meeting "to use the restroom" and come back a full 8 minutes later (what the fuck were they expecting? Oh, yeah, for you to poop as blasphemously as they do).
I don't like these people. They're a strange group, sorta like antique soda bottle collectors, and they weird me out.
In fact, I'd go so far as to say that you can't trust a fast pooper. I'm not saying I'd openly discriminate against a fast pooper per se (though they sure seem to do that to me), and I'm not saying I wouldn't hire one or give up my seat on the bus to an old or pregnant one. Not saying I wouldn't vote for one. But really, let's be honest here: would you let one marry your daughter?
Didn't think so. Me neither.
4/8/10
One of the best arguments yet for me being a Republican
Somehow people (albeit in Georgia) with the same political leanings as me elected this guy, Hank Johnson to represent them. Why is that disturbing? Because in a recent congressional hearing he told a military official he didn't want more people going to Guam because the island might capsize (1:25 mark, but really the whole thing is amazingly terrifying). ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? THIS GUY GETS PAID TAXPAYER MONEY? GODDAMIT!
4/5/10
awaketh
I am devoid of ideas right now. I thought I would write about Lane coming to town and Monstro-style insanity ensuing but I got nothing, although I did get really high and felt a chord from my brain down my left leg.
I could try to preempt the Duke drivel that is surely going to foam out of Garrett after Duke crushes Butler into the spirit world tonight.
I could try to be optimistic about the A's season which starts tonight, but hmm, at this point we're not the Raiders which is about the best we have going for us.
I could post something foul or naked regarding me.
I think I'm going to make a personalized 2010 calendar.
I could try to preempt the Duke drivel that is surely going to foam out of Garrett after Duke crushes Butler into the spirit world tonight.
I could try to be optimistic about the A's season which starts tonight, but hmm, at this point we're not the Raiders which is about the best we have going for us.
I could post something foul or naked regarding me.
I think I'm going to make a personalized 2010 calendar.
4/2/10
Trying to get your ass beat this summer?
Then just buy and wear this convenient brainchild of Jewish people who are trying to get all our collective asses kicked.
(click on the photo or here for a more up-close look at this apocalypse)
(click on the photo or here for a more up-close look at this apocalypse)
Why Guatemala is good for my ego
I'm a pretty short guy, 5'6" or 5'7", here is me with some slightly tall people, both coincidentally Monstro Bloggers, (Garrett is also tall as shit - see John Candy).
I look like a fucking midget.
BUT, here is me in Guatemala!
I look like I'm the center on their national basketball team!
Thank you Guatemala for making me feel like the big guy everyone tells me I am on the inside, on the outside!
I look like a fucking midget.
BUT, here is me in Guatemala!
I look like I'm the center on their national basketball team!
Thank you Guatemala for making me feel like the big guy everyone tells me I am on the inside, on the outside!
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