Crazy Southern Aunt

My aunt, Linda Lee Lewis, who lives in Madison Mississippi, has a group of women friends from her church who go on trips together. They drafted a short letter to the Graceland Mansion folks to announce their upcoming trip to The King's estate. This is the letter they got back, with nothing ommited or altered:

Dear Mrs. Lewis:

I wish to welcome you in adance of your upcoming planned visit to Graceland. You and your fellow Episcopals are certainly welcome while you are nearby for your church's rituals, whatever they may be.

It has come to our attention that you and others are planning to wear special costumes to the Mansions and, perhaps, show less that the upmost respect for The King.. This would not be of concern to us were it not for some disturbing news we have recieved from our "friends" in the Jackson area. Yes, to protect the legacy of The King, we must employ certain people to keep us informed. Believe me, it is not much more than what our current president is being accused of. (You certainly make interesting telephone calls.)

Because of your previous involvement with a group referred to as the "Sunnyvale Clique", your behavior at Gatwick Airport in London, and your propensity for participating in bogus luncheon clubs, we must insist that you check with security upon arrival at Graceland.

We regret that this is necessary but this is not a goddamn amusement park. If you want to show your ass, may we suggest Dollywood, Branson, or some other destination more fitting your preferences.

Graceland offers some classy shit.

I do hope this letter reaches you prior to your visit.

Sincerely,

Billy Bob Hutchinson
Security Chief

cc: Miss Priscilla





Holy shit... the fact that my aunt has done things that get people writing her these kinds of letters makes me wish we'd spent more time together during my younger years.