What? What what what?

I'm not saying you shouldn't do drugs, you just shouldn't do drugs and watch this video.

Genius Darkness

For those of us with a little hate and more than a little cynicism, there is a nice blogue I have found.

This is really, really funny.

Check out Tuesday, October 02, 2007

I'm on to a few things!

first thing: I regularly consume pie and jam made of boysenberries, I find it quite good. It hit me today while eating a slice of the pie variety that for all I know boysenberries could be feces or shredded human guts because I HAVE NEVER SEEN A REAL BOYSENBERRY! Have any of the monstro blog readers seen one of these fantastical creations growing on a tree or bush or shrub or whatever the hell they come from. I mean I've seen strawberries, raspberries, blackberries in whole form, but never a boysenberry. This shit is crazy, and on a lesser level I think I may have only seen cranberries in the dried variety, never full and whole. A lot of culinary oddity is revealing itself.

second thing: I've heard more than once recently that a dog's mouth is cleaner than my own human mouth. I think this is total and utter bullshit for two main reasons, both based on observing my own dog. First, after yawning the smell of dead, rotting fish does not come forth from my throat. Second and most importantly, I do not eat my ass (flexibility issue). Case goddam closed.

We are Living in Dangerous Times

During one of my usual afternoon internet perusing sessions, done despite gorgeous carbon emitted, climate warmed fall weather that I have been programmed to avoid and stay inside (skin cancer's a bitch huh? best to avoid any sort of living) I freaked out. I was listening to "Nocturne" by Medeski, Martin and Wood and reading this article detailing the sad demise of Delhi's deputy mayor, Surinder Singh Bajwa, at the hand of a marauding band of monkeys. I freaked out because I realized that the world is fucked, we are fucking ending ourselves at the hand of ourselves.

There are wildfires raging beyond belief in southern California. It seems like every year now there is another bigger and more fucked natural disaster. Tsunami, Hurricane, Fire, I am sure an Earthquake will hit soon, I mean they already do, look at Peru, no one even cares or remembers, that was mere months ago. Also, I had a revelation as I watch my parents begin to develop their normal share of middle age health problems that our grandparents generation will live longer than us because despite probably smoking and drinking more and exercising less, their lives were less chemical. They spent more time outside or working with natural products inside. Now we live in cities, in the shadow of factories, refineries, waste plants without second thought, we sit at computers all day, mere feet from all the crap used to make the microchips and screens, we hold cell phones to our temples, right next to our brains for hours a day, this has to affect us, just ask Miss South Carolina, we are fucked. I predict the average lifespan will see its first decrease with our generation and that sucks cuz I plan to live to 100 (okay fine, I got 91, but whatever) and I want some homies to kick it with and now Mr. Bajwa won't be one of them, damn Macaques.

McGyver Style

Finally our soldiers in Iraq are getting the resources they need.

This is somewhat surreal, but I guess it makes sense. Whoever was first exploring a potentially booby-trapped house and got this idea deserves a medal. For McGyver Style.

Science > Magic

My friend Simon (PSyMan) had a saying about the internet. "Sometimes you go looking for weird shit and sometimes you find it."

It's sort of a joke...

You'd think the British would finally get a goddam grip on their dental system so they don't have to be the butt of endless jokes.

Al Gore and the Nobel Peace Prize

A few days ago Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize amid some controversy over whether it is deserved or not. Most of this seems to be petty political griping as the liberal bay area where I live said with 71% that it was deserved on an sfgate.com poll but foxnews viewers said it was unwarranted. What I find more interesting about all of this is that it seems like the PEACE prize has taken a shift in ideology away from traditional "peace" work like anti-war leaders or people encouraging dialogue in areas like Israel/Palestine, Sudan, Iraq, etc. This article makes a good point though that over time the gist of the prize has shifted from a traditional definition of peace to adapt, while still holding true to Nobel's principles, to a broader definition, including environmentalists. I for one, think Gore's selection for this prize is great, it makes me nostalgic for the world that could have been but never was if he had beat Bush in 2000, how all the hope and optimism in the world just dried up and got replaced with fear in these 7 years and how Gore took a classy move and backed away from politics instead of being a distraction after the messy election and devoted himself fully to a new cause and somewhat single-handedly shed universal light on it.

No, No, No!

As tragic as this article is, don't you sometimes wish stuff like this happened in your neighborhood? Like, when you were little, you secretely wanted these adventures to happen so you and your friend could befriend a lost elephant calf and save the day. Jumanji made it scary, but also funny. And it made my name extra memorable.

Fuck You Sunglasses

I like sunglasses. Who doesn't? They shield your eyes from the sun. I am a fan of the sun, but not in the sense that its ultraviolet rays burn holes in my skull. I have a few pairs of sunglasses, but if you have only one pair, you should have a "Fuck You" pair of sunglasses.

What constitutes a pair of Fuck You sunglasses? First and foremost, you shouldn't be able to see your eyes. If they don't reflect others' insecure gazes right back at them, then they simply won't do as Fuck You sunglasses. Secondly, they must have style. I'm not saying they have to be expensive; there are plenty of idiots strolling around with D&G sunglasses that do nothing to improve that person's social dominance. Fuck You sunglasses should make others not want to look you in the face. They should be intimidating. They should make a pitbull whine and scamper away. They should, in the simplest form, say "fuck you" to anyone and everyone that stares at you. If you have the right pair of FYS, even delivering a smile to others will make them wonder what it is you just screwed them out of.

Bizzare Ride indeed

Remember the Pharcyde? Early '90s hip-hop group who've contributed some sick jams and some sad people to popular culture. Check out this interview.

It's pretty damned hilarious/sad.

My favorite quote comes from Imani, describing his new album:

"It’s gonna sound sexy, grown up, new wave, old school, pro-black. That’s it, it’s gonna be me in rhythm form. If that makes sense. That’s who I am. I’m a freak funk nasty hip-hopper from Compton. So it’s gonna be kinda like psychedelic, funky. So everything I said, it’s me. I don’t know what it’s gonna sound like, but if you could put those words to sound, that’s what I’m trying to do."

Translations

Sometimes I hear people talking in words without meaning. You know how there are certain frequently used combinations of words, or "phrases", which slip off the tongues easily? Well, these are popular as space-fillers in conversation, but rarely mean what they say.

"I hear what you're saying" = "I don't like what you're saying"
"The fact is" = "My opinion is"
"Let's be honest" = "Let's be superlative"
"It takes all kinds" = "I have nothing to respond to your statement with"
"Whatever you say" = "Fuck you"
"I guess so" = "I give up"

Redneck Comedy Tour

If I were on the Redneck Comedy Tour, I would tell a joke. It would be like:

"You know when you buy insurance for a place? Well, they always list something like 'Act of God' on there for like if there's a earthkwaque or hurricanoe or whatever. Well, with all this damn terrorism goin' on in the world, you think they can insure me against 'Act of Allah'? That's where I need insurance!"

I think this joke would kill.