The highest glory in sports

The home run is the highest glory in all of sports. Boom. There it is. That will probably be only of the many bold statements this post contains (my penis is 13 inches long and that is lucky as shit!)

Seriously, other sports have their glory, the basket made, the putt sank (or even the hole in one), the touchdown, the goal, first place, but there is nothing on earth as exhilarating and majestic as a home run, especially in America where the soccer goal can hardly compete although to its credit it is fucking glorious.

I write this today for two reasons. The first of which is that I hit a home run. For those monstro blog readers who have played softball with me you know I am a singles hitter, a quick runner, and a good fielder. This makes me valuable to a team, but power I have not. I am on a co-ed team in an SF city league and we kinda suck, we were 3-4 going into our last game tonight so we were just playing for our dignity. THe opposing pitcher didn't like how much spirit we had since we huddle and cheer before each inning so he sarcastically quipped to me to "hurry your prayer meetings along" so we could play more since the games are time limited. I took offense since we are a jewish-themed team and since I was leading off, decided to rock his world. He tossed a pitch and I hit the softball probably farther than I will ever hit another softball in this lifetime of mine, well over the right-center fielders head and took off. Now I've been in the woods backpacking for four days so I have some mighty blisters but this was the first and probably only chance I'd ever have to hit a legit homer and I knew it so I chugged hard and slid totally needlessly across home. It was a glorious personal moment, there is no doubt about it.

I got home tonight around 11pm to find the A's-Red Sox (fuckers) game in the bottom of the 11th inning with Eric Chavez at the plate. He swung and deposited a pitch into the bleachers to achieve the proverbial "walk-off" and was mobbed by teammates showing clear and pure faces of joy and glee despite the fact they are paid millions to do this shit.

The home run is holy.

For a game that some might say is the classical music of sports, baseball truly does not have much action. Much like its cousin outside of America, soccer, the game moves slowly and scores happen very infrequently in the average game. However, like the goal in soccer, the home run is the blossom in the desert, the earth shattering way to break the silence usually reserved only for tinny hollywood pics. Few things on earth can simultaneously evoke pain in some, glory in others and bring a crowd of tens of thousands to their feet as if they were one.

The home run is where it's at.