Louisiana: Creative Whirlpool of Backwater Literature: "My New Hound Treed a Coon"

Hank Benson here, formerly Hans Sprungfeld. My current job consists of reading and grading 8th grade essays from Louisiana. Part of their LEAP standardized test, these kids have to write about how somethings are not as they seem. I'd say about one out of every fifteen essays actually addresses the topic given to them. The rest of the essays consist of horrifying glimpses into post Katrina life, explaining the art of convincing your step dad to buy you another four wheeler even though you just got your other one stuck in the swamp, or kids' utter disappointment with the film Norbit. I'd like to share a few excerpts that I found to be a cut above the rest. Faulkner, McCarthy, and Civil War history buff Shelby Foote would be proud of the state of ole' southern writing among Bayou youth. Hope you enjoy:

"My dad brought home our new hound the other day. We went coon hunting with him, my dad pushed him through the woods in the wheel barrow, he started barking to our right. Come to find out, he'd just treed his first coon."

"One part of my life that I really hate right now is that my head is shaved, thanks to my brother's stupid, idiot friend Rooster. Rooster is 21, but he acts like he's 2. I really freaking miss my hair so bad, I am like really mad and angry and didn't even want to come to school today and take this dumb test. I hate being bald as heck, I want to just go and shave Rooster's god freaking hair, like he had just done to me while I was sleeping."

"My hamster is really weird. He chews threw wood and escapes all the time. My mom caught him with the plunger. His name is Hamitario."

"The event I made was a shank it look stooped it was stooped, for my safety I made a home made shank."

That's just a taste. The South does not appear to be risin' any time soon. God help public schools.

--Hankers Benson.