Top 5 Worst Jobs (in a mall)

This post is certainly dust between the bookends before our esteemed leader, Drew, returns from abroad, but I felt compelled to compose it. The top 5 list is an opener with a girl at a bar, not something you share on a blog that only your friends read. Too bad, I got a couple more coming.

I was walking through a mall last night with a purpose--something I, and I think others, rarely do. And I was getting really pissed that A to B was interrupted by all manner of distractions: no parking, few entrances, lots of people. I was surprised how irritating it was to navigate the mall when I actually had something I needed--not just nothing to do on a Wednesday night. How more irritating I thought it might be to have to work there!

Thus, my top 5 worst positions of employment in a mall:

5. Janitor (Playland)

Junior's been so good today! Why don't we treat him to 3 Mrs. Field's cookies and a 64 oz. (Bladder Buster) of Coca-Cola! Go ahead, here's a dollar to ride the Hamburgler! Here's where you come in. Your main objective at work is to keep Kids' Town sparkling clean and these kids keep tossing cookies (har har) all over the place. Lovely.

4. EBGames Manager

Nerds everywhere might think this is the dream job. I might have too--first dibs at any new game or console and you get paid to be enthusiastic about one of the only things you're good at! Not so, according to this humorous article. You'll fight through all the same retail hassles and idiot customers--but you'll never have the chance to flirt with girls. And customers will think your enthusiasm about games is creepy (at least I do). One EB Manager's Experience

3. Floor Jeweler

By this, I mean any combover or over-perfumed shmuck trying to sell you on their jewelry (and their insurance policy--"izza dah best!"). These people are on commission and you're a walking wallet. I love harassing these people, and I'm sure others do too. That's why I put their job in this list. Here's a great way to make 'em sweat. Tell them what you want (you may not even mean to buy it) and tell them they have exactly one minute to sell you on it before you leave to the next store. They'll spend the first 15 seconds repeating "ok, ok, ok."

2. Small Shop Owner

You own one of the two small, unfranchised businesses in the mall. Your livelihood is tied up in your ability to sell your gypsy trinkets...and no one...ever...visits. At least you're living the American Dream (that's to incur crippling debt, right?)

1. Hawker

Of course this person's job is the worst. They're the people who try to sell you cell phones that your carrier won't activate or fake jewelry. Sometimes they're pushy. Sometimes they're forlorn. But it never looks like they're enjoying themselves. Try to do your job and you'll be scorned by 1000 passers-by every day. Try to do something else on the job (like the rest of us) and it'll be so obvious, both to your manager and your potential (yeah right) customers.

That's it for now. Top 5 jobs coming some other day soon. Feel free to post runners-up in the comments, maybe I'll even amend if yours is better of if you have a good story.

Peace, Dan