Remember the movie from the early 90's called Mouse Hunt? It was two crazy fools trying to catch a single mouse who is outsmarting them. There are ten guys in the Monstrosity, and we are unable to cure this mouse problem. I have sat up at night, a nice bait of cheese standing on a table, and waited for the mouse to emerge so I could destroy it. Instead, the mouse is nowhere to be seen. When I get bored and go to bed, I awake the next morning to my bait eaten, with small mouse droppings telling me that I am indeed the loser in this duel.
There has not been a mouse yet who could defy the mighty power of a simple mousetrap. This last semester we thought we had a particularly smart mouse on our hands, only to lay a mousetrap and find our intelligent friend trapped by a simple lever and spring mechanism. We had named the mouse Bob, and we all felt surprisingly sad at the news of his death. Soon after, Bob Jr. came poking around and the legacy of his father lived on.
Over the summer, I had a bunch of boxes in the storage room in the basement of
ReplyDeletethe College House. Upon my return to the campus, I was displeased to find that
all these boxes had been infiltrated by an army of beady eyed bastards who
chewed holes in all my food containers and left poop on nearly every
horizontal surface they could find. After washing everything I owned in
bleach, and tossing out half my food, I thought I'd gotten through the worst
of it - until I met Barge. While sitting in my chair, reading some politics
one day, I saw a gray form scurry across my floor. Apparently, my storage boxes
harbored a stowaway. Barge was huge and fat from a summer spent feasting on my
food. For a while, I thought we could co-exist; he seemed harmless enough.
Barge crossed the line, however, when he took to pooping on my freshly washed
dishes while they were in the trying rack.
I killed Barge with a mouse trap. His last meal was Nutella. The metal bar
smashed him directly across his head. I had to question the humanity of this
form of pest removal. His death must have been grisly: I found him in a pool
of mouse blood surprisingly large.
I felt awful. I'd executed someone. Barge was my friend! I'd named him, and
assigned him a gender! Not only that...I later found out that Barge had been
framed! Poop kept appearing on my dishes! Barge was innocent, and I never gave
him due process. I instantly set another trap - that bastard who framed barge
had to die.
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I caught one!! Only a hundred or so more to go!!
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