7/27/05

!!!



Brandon, world. World, Brandon. I find it strange that Brandon requested more pictures on my blog, and now he is the subject of his own request. He probably even took the damn picture. He probably KNEW I would put the picture up if he sent it to me. Brandon is a deep person, and probably had this planned months in advance, if not IN THE WOMB BEFORE HE WAS EVEN BORN! If anyone else sends me a picture, I will also post it, but only after extensive Photoshop modification to make you look like a jackass.

7/26/05

The Sands of Time

A story dedicated to Aaron Mandel

As I sit in my room trying my best to not go blind from staring at a computer screen, I see myself in 20 years staring at the same screen, having accomplished nothing more than perhaps making some credit card company all the richer. I think about how I could spend every day as it was my last, and all the other bullshit motivational quotes that people slap onto a poster with a bald eagle or a crew team. Every day I lament the passing time, and yet every day I wake up and waste it again, like the lessons of the previous day were somehow lost in the depths of sleep. Perhaps that is the price of dreaming. Perhaps when I dream about scaling a mountain, the price I pay is losing the time to scale that mountain during my waking hours. Perhaps each man can only experience some things once, and if those things are dreamt then it is lost to you forever.
What if I dream of a red ocean? If I dream of things not in reality, does that mean that somewhere, someplace, there is red ocean yet to be discovered by a man, not in his dreams, but with his eyes? I take a small amount of solitude in this idea. There are many joys that I visit in my sleep, and to know that these things may be real to a man sometime in the future or at some point in the past means that something I have or will live has only been dreamt of by some men, after long hours in front of their computer screens has made them too tired to work.

7/25/05

Like A Freaking Parrot

Since June 6th I have been taking a pottery class at the Walla Walla Community College. I have heard it said of WWCC that "if you aren't drooling on yourself you can graduate." This was related to me by a former student of that institution, so I cannot say that I know more than they do about the general population of students, but let me give you my impression.
The majority of my class is filled with bitter middle-aged women who openly bash males as if I am somehow cannot hear their annoying parrot-like screeches from across the room. There is this one woman with a gnarly set of teeth that constantly says "that's just like a man to do this, that's just like a man to do that." She usually says this in response to some absent-minded thing that the class instructor does. Nevermind that he's 80 fucking years old, I'm sure he forgot to pick up a toothbrush because he's got a penis between his legs and it's his tendancy to forget things as a result. She keeps talking about a mystical husband who she's supposedly divorcing sometime in the near future, but the date keeps getting pushed back. I think it's the "my girlfriend lives in Oklahoma, and she's a model" routine myself, considering the set of chompers that I described earlier.
I am influenced by the media arround me, and I am currently watching the HBO western Deadwood, so I keep wishing that some old miner will walk into the pottery classroom and point to the woman, saying "You killed my brother!" and then...Well, there ain't no laws in Deadwood.

7/18/05

Solar charger for every damn thing.

This thing can charge your iPod, camera, phone, and Game Boy all in the same little package. For only around $100, plus the cost of the connectors, this is the coolest gadget I've seen in a while AND it's earth-friendly. Who don't like the erf???


Solio - Portable Solar Powered Charger

7/13/05

Let Me Clarify

Hopefully you all have watched the King Kong trailer I posted. If not, use the little bit of effort it takes to scroll down two inches and click on the damn link I went through no trouble at all to put up for you.

This preview looks awesome in many ways, but it also makes visible the many flaws in Peter Jackson's (read: the guy who did Lord Of The Rings) take on the classic monster movie. First of all, Jack Black is playing a serious, or somewhat serious, role. This is a big mistake almost on par with Adam Sandler showing up in Punch Drunk Love with a "good dramatic performance." I wanted to laugh at Adam Sandler so much in that movie that I laughed at inappropriate times in the theater, often troubling and frightening the audience around me. Jack Black should stick to what he is good at; eating hamburgers and making people laugh.

Peter Jackson apparently had some outstanding contracts from Lord Of The Rings that he had to fulfill with his next movie, and it hurts the overall feel of the new King Kong. Apparently the Urukai from LOTR had a multi-picture deal with Jackson and his studio, because they show up in King Kong as well, but this time around we get to see the hot lady Urukai, which we were left fantasizing about from the LOTR film trilogy:


Another theory is that this is in fact Jackson's new girlfriend who demanded a part in his new picture in exchange for that new sex position Jackson has really wanted to try but had been too shy to ask about in bed.

The last, and perhaps most dissapointing, part about the King Kong trailer is the depiction of everyone's favorite dinosaur, the T. Rex. Anyone who has seen the original King Kong knows that the big gorilla fights a T.Rex in the jungles. What's sad is that the effects people spent so much time making King Kong look realistic that they just went half-assed on the T.Rex. Jurassic Park pretty much demanded that from then on out if you were gonna make dinosaurs with computers, you had to do it their way or not at all. One gander at the T.Rex from King Kong and everyone is going to say "The one in Jurassic Park looked better." Take a look for yourself:


I still really want to see King Kong, but I'm a realist, so I know that it will never be better than my favorite movie of all time, Back To The Future.

7/10/05

It's Coming...

The official Born To Ride movie website is coming soon. We will be updating with information from the pre-production of the final installation of the trilogy as well as web-exclusive tidbits like outtakes and set photos. The cast will also be posting bios and the directors will be doing daily blog posts to keep everyone in the cycling community entertained and up to date on our new take on the sport of cycling...and everything else for that matter. If you ride bikes, keep checking The Monstro for news on the release of the Born To Ride website.

7/8/05

The crowds must be pleased

Brandon is the first to utilize the chat feature on the side of the page. It's a great way to leave me feedback and let me know what you'd like to change or what you'd like to see more of. I need to get in the habit of posting more often...and this site is also probably gonna change looks once again and head in the direction of simplicity...I'm preparing for the fall when I'm really gonna charge into Whitman's community and try to be the number-one source of mis-information on campus.

Brandon wants pictures, so he's gonna get pictures. I'll be taking some over the next few days, but I'll whet your appetites with a picture of a crazy sight from last weekend...


You're right. That's a goddamned peacock running around on Whitman's campus. I don't know where it came from, but it was just making all sorts of trouble in the neighborhood. That ususally necessitates calling the Ghostbusters, but since it was a non-paranormal peacock, someone just shooed it off of the road. It was later captured and eaten by a band of hobos.

7/7/05

Whack-It King

Bring a chapter of the Whack-It King Tournament to your hometown today! Don't know how Whack-It King works? Let me give you a brief history of this tournament.

Many years ago, I played on a state-champion high school football team. We had a lot of free time, so one day several guys invented the Whack-It King Tournament. The WIKT, as it came to be known, is a tournament in which you compete with other contestants to see who can masturbate the most in one single day. The person who sets the record becomes the Whack-It King until someone else REGISTERED in the tournament beats the previous score. I stress the REGISTERED mark because only registered contestants/teams are allowed to compete for the crown...no un-confirmed contestants can hold the Whack-It King title. The WIKT has team and individual crowns. The team crown is awarded to pairs of any sex who provide manual stimulation to each other the most times in a day. It's like a title for getting to 2nd base the most times in one day. The individual title, the real meat-and-potatoes of the tournament, is the most sought-after prize. If you manage to get registered with an active chapter, you may begin competing immediately to gain the crown, which is made of solid gold plastic and has several genuine replica gems set into it.

This tournament is open only to people of high esteem and honor, because you are trusted to be truthful in reporting your scores. There are no referees or judges, simply your peers in the WIKT to judge the truthfulness of your score. It is true that adding 1 here-or-there to your score may not be noticed, but the true WIKT contestant needs no such boost to compete among the elite.

Join Today!