Townies

I know most of you should be familiar with the above term. For those of you that aren't, a townie is technically any person who is born and raised in the town you attend college. Usually this doesn't apply to big cities since "townie" is almost always synonymous with "redneck." Anyway, let me expand a bit upon the brief definition I have just given. A townie, to me, is not only a person who was born and raised in the town you attend college, but they actually take pride in NOT attending your college. I'd wager to say they take pride in not attending any form of higher education whatsoever. They take pride in the subwoofers in their car or the number of times they have been to prison. Townies would proclaim that they don't need your damn liberal arts degree; just because they aren't "book smart" doesn't mean they can't make it in life. A lot of people need their mufflers repaired...hell, I need someone to tell me where my muffler is. Anyway, whenever you hear someone say "he/she just isn't book smart" (you hear parents say this a lot about their kids) what they really mean to say is "He nailed a board to his own forehead yesterday." "He isn't book smart" is the biggest understatement of all time. That's like saying "That's too bad" after someone relates the horrors of the Holocaust to you.

In recent news, the Pope is sick. I am therefore nominating myself for the new Popery(?) pending John Paul II's death. I believe I would make an excellent Pope. I enjoy wearing bathrobes and funny hats. I enjoy standing before millons of people and basking in my own glory. Everyone on the planet has at least heard of the Pope, whether they think he's really all that or not. In America, the Pope is kind of like a celebrity for the dorky senior citizens of our country. I can't think of anyone besides the Pope and George W. that my grandma absolutely adores. All I would have to do as Pope is travel around in bullet proof everything and just wave at people. Every once in a while I'd have to write a letter that was like "Stop molesting kids and don't use condoms." Other than that, you just play Playstation2 (or Xbox) all day long and chill with your homies(cardinals and bishops.) I feel like being the Pope is probably the easiest job on the planet aside from the Prophet of the Mormon Church. If you're Pope you have to maintain some veil of sanity; if you manage to work your way up to Prophet you can say random shit like "Cheese tastes like purple" and elect a crocodile as chancellor and no one will as much as blink. If news comes of the LDS Prophet becoming ill, expect me to announce my nomination for that job as well.