The improvement in women's tennis

I've always been into tennis, playing recreationally (you may recall my tennis challenge from this spring) and watching the major events on TV. I'm also sick of playing nice. Let's get real. I like hot women and I don't know why but the absolute bang-ability (unfortunately not translating to my ability to do so) of the modern women's tennis game is off the charts. Below are photos of three of the top players from the 80's and 90's.








Yikes. Looks like they took a two handed backhand from daddy out of the womb!

Now here are some of the top players from now.




Game. Set. Match. Love.

Ikea=terrifying

Boredom and a sense of adventure led me to accompany two women who recently moved into my neighborhood on a trip to furnish their kitchen. It was a journey through light and mainly into darkness where I learned a lot about women and also commerce.

These women both were very picky about what kind of plates and cups they wanted even though we were in Ross and then Ikea they somehow went through everything. They also didn't want to spend a lot of money so it quickly descended into a game of passive aggressive hatred where they would each hate on whatever the other one picked out by either commenting on its style (those cups are too thin) or the price (oh man, 23 bucks for a set of knives) so it was a painstaking procedure which yielded items that were no more special than if I had thrown a dart at the aisle.

It made me think that when Alex or I need something we just go get it, usually little to no discussion and certainly not about aesthetics. I just love being a man. We are low on mugs, we go get some fucking mugs, if they suck we throw them out.

Then, Ikea, shit, Ikea man. How many of you have been there? I wrote "ikea is terrifying" on my status on Facebook and that shit had 3 comments in under 10 minutes so clearly I struck a chord. I gotta say, that place creeped me out. Whether it was the mind-manipulation of the floor plan, the utter cornucopia of very cheap and low quality merchandise or the fact that the store had these little mini worlds in it you could completely construct for yourself it was a trip. I don't think I'll be back soon.

Bracelets

Bracelets, is it legit for a man to wear them? Sometimes yes, sometimes no, and it entirely depends on what type of fashion statement you're trying to make.

The first type of bracelet that it is always legit to wear is what the Dungeons & Dragons community prefer to call a bracer. Bracers are elongated bracelets, commonly used back in the swordfighting days to protect your forearms against getting chopped off. As far as I can tell bracers are also used in place of wearing a shirt. As you can see from the gubernatorial portrait of Mssr. Arnold Schwarzenegger, having little pearl-like dangly-thingies hanging from your bracer does not make it unmanly, but if you choose to take this particular fashion route you must also be carrying a sword in the hand that is paired with the pearly bracer.

The next type of bracelet that it is always legit to wear is sweatbands. Extra points if your sweatbands contain a playbook. Extra points if you are also dating a supermodel. The sweatband is similar to the bracer in that its manly appropriateness entirely depends on how dominant of a force the wearer is. A 4'8'' 300lb. 6th grader trying to make the middle school team does not necessarily fall into the category of "stylistically legit" just because he spent $50 on a package of uniform-matching Under Armour sweatbands.

 

 The "cause" bracelet is touchy territory. At times it can show a sensitivity and cultural awareness that the bracer and the sweatband do not exhibit, but the cause bracelet also falls victim to the vicious trend vulture. Men must avoid jewelry trends at all costs, and even if it benefits a good cause, the donning of trendy jewelry must be used with care. By no means should you ever wear a "false" cause bracelet. Livestrong is fine, you can even get away with a pink breast cancer awareness bracelet. Just don't wear a green one that has a pot leaf and says "legalize it." You will just look like a douche.

what? huh? where am I?

Due to global warming and the impending return of el nino, the Monstro Blog went on a mistaken summer hibernation. Full blame for this should fall on Monstro meteorologist Drew Lorona who mistakenly sailed the ship into a cave of silence.

Now we are reborn. Rebirthed amidst my week of flu-riddled delirium. Prepare yourselves world, you have been warned.