What better way to waste two hours than filling out a pointless survey containing mind-bending questions like "What do you prefer, vanilla or chocolate?" and you, you clever little fox, you answer something like "I love both!" or "strawberry for me!" Every time I get an email like this, it has a disclaimer along the lines of "I don't usually do these, but blah blah." and its supposed to be a dismissive comment about an underlying obsession with what other people think of you and your online self-reflections, like what happens if you say you like puppies more than kitties, maybe that girl you "accidentally" forwarded the quiz to will decide maybe you really are worth dating, because she really loves kitties too, and her favorite color is also sapphire. These quizzes are hulking behemoths that have gotten unexcusably out of control, and the reason they have gotten out of control is that crippling neccessity that all of us have (I don't spare myself from my own scathing criticisms) to gain the approval of nearly complete online strangers. I've seen pages long MySpace profiles with endless quizzes posted on them under the aptly titled "About Me" section. It saddens me to think that this is how people define themselves. Who am I? Well, it's funny you should ask, because look at my quiz! I've got one tattoo and I have kissed 10 boys. Also, my dog's name is Slippers. I fear for the day when I meet a new person in the bar and they simply slip me a stack of paper neatly outlining their great, well-rounded personality. I hate to break it to you, but you are not fucking outgoing if you fill out a personality quiz.
My favorite meal is taco bar goddamit.
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