far corners of the world/mind

things, in the general and vague sense that that word conveys, are dead or so it seems.

but you don't have binoculars that are strong enough to see on the distant hillside a small spark being nursed by a crouched-over man who has intelligently placed it in a sea of dry embers. Blowing softly, whooosh, whoosh, this is silent work that goes on unnoticed (except the binoculars, fuck yeah!) but it is the work that sustains a heat in a cold inhuman steel so that one day the spring is possible again.

These pursuits are quixotic and opinions differ on the nobility of them but to those who simply see breathing as life giving and also something happening thousands of times a day it is nothing, nothing at all.

And slowly the flame grows, phoenix-like, until the whole world of which we speak is alive again. And what is life? How is something alive? Are people hugging? Is friendship in the air? Have the doubters shut the fuck up and eaten the shit sandwiches that didn't even need to be prepared for them because they naturally fermented in the right places?

It's a lonely pursuit, but we're always breathing so why not nurse the flame, the spark, the ember, remember sine waves from high school math? Shit ebbs and flows, don't even look to the tide for confirmation of that.

some things are just plain sweet

and this would be one of them, just some good old fashioned the ocean is more foreign to us than outer space shit. giddyup.

Knowing your time

Recent news reports about the failing health of Cuban leader Fidel Castro are fairly predictable, I mean we are all going to die one day, and if you're famous, they write about it. However this article from CNN really shocked me into a new consciousness regarding the the not-new-at-all subjects of ego and modern medicine. In the article, describing Castro's intestinal ailment, it says doctors have tried to reconnect his large intestine to his anus and when that failed have made "an artificial anus". Now honestly, even if I have been the strongman ruler of a country for half a century, when I am in need of an artificial anus to go on living, put a bullet in me, honestly, the ego.

Analogies Time!

Hey kids! Analogies are fun! We use them to compare unlike things through their similarities! Don't reread that sentance!

Here's an example:

Crumb is to Bread as Splinter is Board

Wasn't that fun? See, because a crumb is a little piece of bread and a splinter is a little piece of a board! And they both get stuck in your mouth! Analogies are great!

Here are some more:

Belgium is to Beer as Duke University is to Rape Charges

Mother Theresa is to Halo as Microsoft is to Halo II

Down with Love is to Romantic Comedy as The Fifth Element is to Sci-Fi

The Yardbirds is to Eric Clapton, Jeff Beck and Jimmy Page as The Wu-Tang Clan is to Method Man, ODB, and the RZA

Crumb is to Bread as Splinter is to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Lenin is to Stalin as Martha Stewart is to Rachel Ray



Can you come up with any analogies?

We may actually live forever!

this guy did and we all ate like him freshmen year!


Further proof that Garrett Stiles will actually outlive us all.

Another web debut...

Born To Ride, a film make in 2004 by myself, Aaron Mandel, and our good friend Gus Gustafson has finally made it to the interweb on Google Video. I have been waiting many years to see this happen but up until this point the size and length of the film (20+ minutes) has been prohibitive. Google has made it possible...thanks Lane.

Check it out!

Blumenstein Ultra-Fi

The Monstro Blog would like to officially endorse the products of Mr. Clark Blumenstein of Blumenstein Ultra-Fi.

Mr. Blumenstein has dedicated his sanity and hygene to the production of boutique sonic instruments and his sacrifices have been well worth it.

For serious music fans, nothing compares to listening to your favorite albums on a Blumenstein Ultra-Fi system.

You may very well see God.

Bear and Wine

I had a very illuminating conversation at work today which helped affirm my belief in the increasing democratization of wine. Dude walks in wearing a camo jacket and a Strange Brew touk (Canadian for hat). He smelled like he's been skinning deer which he killed with a bow (this suspicious would later be confirmed). Dude wants to know what kind of wine I could recommend to pair with Moose, Caribou, and Bear. Seems he has some old friends coming down from Alaska with some game and he wants to have a proper feast.

In the course of our half hour conversation, the dude tells me about his time in the army (learned to love rifles), his wife (who shrinks in embarrasment at fine restraurants when dude whips out his hunting knife to cut meat), his affair (she died of cancer not a year ago), the Canadian border (run by dipshits scared of an NRA sticker), the metric system (just a way for Canadians to rip you off at the pump), and many other lively topics.

This guy helped remind me to keep it real. Wine may be enjoyed by snooty French people, but it's also enjoyed by camo dude.

My Shit List of 2006

1) Mosquitos: Those fuckers will BITE you!

2) Sand: it is pervasive.

3) Thoreau: I am convinced the dude was a huuuuuuge bitch and I could kick the shit out of him.

4) Laws: so presumptuous.

5) body odor: I thought everything in life had a purpose.

6) Sports teams from Seattle: not an inflammatory statement cuz they're fans are huge pussies too, descendants of Thoreau methinks.

7) Pineapple: Because no matter how much you like it, you are still mildly allergic to it and it makes the inside of your mouth feel fuckin weird, I mean try drinking some water directly after eating some of this fruit and know the feeling of "not quite right."

8) Poverty, Violence, Hunger, Pain: Cuz I'm trying to get laid.