Re: Flossing

For the none of you that remember it, I posted an entry on April 9, 2009 entitled, "Flossing." In this email I recounted how dentists will make you bleed at all costs no matter what in order to utter the line that apparently they are required to tell you every time you visit, "Your gums are bleeding, you really need to floss more."

So I had my appointment yesterday and I was feeling pretty confident since I had flossed very consistently for over a month, although I hit a few dry spells.

Sure enough she prodded my gums with a sharp metal tool until they bled and then told me I had the beginning signs of gum disease. There really is no winner here. Maybe just the cold indifference of nature.

Buzkashi: Medieval Awesomeness...Today

Buzkashi is the national sport of Aghanistan, and holy shit if it isn't the most barbaric awesomeness. Here is a report CNN did of the game where you appear to be on one of two teams trying to drag a dead animal carcass into a circled off area.

Bill Brasky

No, I didn't write any of these.
Yes, I love them.
Bill Brasky - keeping the legend alive.

• "Bill Brasky once used a live rattle snake as a condom!"
• "Brasky's family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong."
• "His poop is considered currency in Argentina."
• "I once saw him scissor-kick Angela Lansbury."
• "Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can't find one. Finally Brasky takes me to a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are.' We sat there for a year and a half—until sure enough, someone constructs a bar around us. Well, the day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Brasky yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found 'em!'"
• "He once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road."
• "He hated Mexicans! And he was half-Mexican! ...And he hated irony!"
• "The character of Johnny Appleseed was based on Brasky... except for the part about planting apple trees... and not raping men."
• "He did all the makeup on the Planet of the Apes movies."
• "He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls."
• "He used to shoot whiskey into his neck with a syringe."
• "He orchestrated the merger between UNICEF and Smith & Wesson."
• "They say Gene Roddenberry got the idea for Star Trek by listening to Brasky talk in his sleep."
• "Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky went hunting? Brasky decides he's going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machete. They all begged for their lives...except Fleegle."
• "We once had a bachelor party for Brasky. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it."
• "Brasky named the group Sha Na Na. They did not want to be called that."
• "If you drop a phonograph needle on Brasky's nipple, it plays the Beach Boys' Pet Sounds."
• "Did I ever tell you about the time he taught his son how to drive? He entered him in the Indy 500.The kid wrecked and died. Brasky said it would've happened sometime."
• "He breastfeeds John Madden!"
• "He killed Wolfman Jack with a trident."
• "He sleeps eight hours a night! Well, he was pretty normal when it came to that."
• "His first name is Bill!"
• "All the Yes album covers are Brasky family photos."
• "He once breastfed an injured flamingo back to health."

Michael Caine: Awesome

Michael Caine is awesome. He defines the word gravitas for me. He has great presence onscreen and surely if I ever saw him on a stage that would be multiplied greatly. He also apparently had a reputation in his younger years for constantly taking roles and working all the time. There is one quote in the article that was so fuckin' funny if for nothing else than its realness. Apparently Caine, while making lots of good films, also had no qualms about accepting roles in terrible films including something called "Jaws: The Revenge" (which I now absolutely must see). Regarding that film he remarked, "I have never seen it, but by all accounts it is terrible. However, I have seen the house that it built, and it is terrific." Now that's real talk. Michael Caine. What a baller.

For Simplicity's Sake

I think this whole economic downturn thing has had some adverse effects on my tried-and-true life goals, and I find myself reevaluating what I really want out of life.

I used to want a fast car, cool sneakers, an old man as a sidekick, and the ability to travel back in time.

This was back when our economy was booming, we had just beaten the Russians at a giant game of Nuclear Chess, and guys with haircuts that looked like a perched pelican were getting to sleep with women way, way, way out of their league.

Now that things have slowed down a bit and we aren't wandering around the globe deposing elected governments and replacing them with puppet dictators, priorities have changed. The things I thought I wanted when the economy was booming have really fallen to the wayside. When technology was affordable, I wanted all the newest stuff. Now, I don't mind the dusty old car that I have. I don't need the latest garments, and I don't mind living a bit outside the city. The pastoral life suits me, and the country provides forms of entertainment that really are much more exciting than anything in the city could provide.

All I need now is my trusty old car, some durable old clothes, a wise old friend, and a woman to cook me meals at night.

 Simplicty is a good thing.

News o' the Day

I was walking down the street when suddenly the sidewalk was blocked by two hipster sitting on their bikes making out outside a yoga studio. It was too fucking much so I distracted myself by browsing the news and found this incredibly....incredible article.

There are really two camps when reading this:

camp 1: My god, what has society come to that someone could kill someone else over a silly game!

camp 2: Goddam right he shot him, fool probably was probably counting tip ins or something. World still needs some honor and decency and good old fashion duels to settle life's squabbles.

Challenge thrown down

I challenged Meghan here to take a cheesy tourist amphibious boat tour and convince them to let her drive the boat. Drew convinced me making people feel awkward isn't necessarily a good dare but forcing them to do someting they probably aren't allowed to is better. We'll see how she does, if she fails at this she is going to have to foot race a homeless person.

Monstro Blog series: The LA tennis challenge -- Match Recap!!!

Mother Nature put my rantings aside and as I rose to head to the airport around 6am this morning the weather was cloudy, windy but dry. David met me and we went to the courts shortly after since the weather was holding but we didn't want to take any chances on it changing. Here is the match recap (just to remind, it was a best of 3 sets):

Like the true athletes we are, Dave and I stretched and warmed up for about 5 minutes. I informed Dave he'd have to kill me to beat me but honestly he was a lot better than I remembered and I was feeling really tentative like I couldn't pull the trigger on my shots.

First set: Dave jumped out to a 3-0 lead although the games themselves were pretty good. I was feeling pretty dumb at this point for spending a week practicing and blogging and going down for this match. I put it together a little better in the second part of the set but ended up losing the set 6-4.

Second set: My back was to the wall here so I jumped out like a bat out of hell and went up 3-0, playing much better and more aggressively. It went to 3-1 and then to 4-2 at which point I began to completely meltdown. A combination of me playing out of my mind at the beginning of the set and starting to get really fatigued probably contributed to this but suddenly the score was 5-5 and I was dangerously close to having things end. I lost my serve to put Dave up 6-5, serving for the match but I gutted out that game to pull it back to 6-6 and force a tiebreaker. When I couldn't put the set the away and it went to 5-5 my morale was at a low, I had blown a huge lead and lost momentum but I roared back hard and took the tiebreaker 7-2 and put Dave on his heels.

Third set: I was banking on my heart and endurance but holy shit I was gassed at this point, I had to just assume David was worse off. The third set was textbook, we were on serve until 4-4 when I broke Dave to go up 5-4 and then served for the win and took the third set 6-4, total match time of around three hours. It was an epic match and I'm amazed I pulled it out, I was very consistent for not playing much but pretty defensive the whole time, I got somewhat lucky but I'll take it.

Post match it was too cold an windy for the beach so we visited with our friend Kim Bong Il and spent the rest of the afternoon getting to know horse racing culture through Kentucky Derby coverage, although Dave had to pay me for my flight, he did inexplicably call 50-1 longshot Mine That Bird to win the Derby, although unfortunately for him we weren't betting, just making living room predictions. All in all a great and glorious day.

Monstro Blog series: The LA tennis challenge -- Day 5

Well, in addition to it raining in LA at the moment, there has also just been a small earthquake, so about 12 hours out, everything is going according to plan. Let's just assume that my aforementioned lover Mother Nature complies and we play tomorrow, here are the competitors.

Aaron Mandel
5'7"
165 lbs.
Berkeley, CA
Teen Program Coordinator at Camp Tawonga



David Gilliland
5'10"
220 lbs
Los Angeles, CA
Engineer at KW Engineering




The match is now out of our hands but if it goes down tomorrow I plan to return to the blog victorious! Expect an update tomorrow night.

Immediate help needed

My friend Meghan of Triple Dog Dare Me has given me the next dare for her blog. I am drawing a serious blank on what to dare her to do so any suggestions in the comment field her will be greatly appreciated. I have until Sunday at 6pm to submit my dare to her.

I have some words for you Mother Nature

I'll keep it short and not sweet at all.

You motherfucker! We are in a goddam drought and you have the nerve, THE NERVE, to make rain piss from the heavens the day before the tennis match of my life. Unbelievable. I thought April showers brought May flowers, not an April heat wave and drought bring a storm front at the beginning of May. That doesn't even rhyme. Goddam. It's probably going to be okay, weather says 30% chance of rain now.

Monstro Blog series: The LA tennis challenge -- Day 4

There are less than 48 hours left until I fly to LA to play my friend David in the tennis challenge with the winner paying for the cost of my airfare. It is well after 1am so my going to bed early plan lasted all of one day. However:

I played with a new partner with a real racket today and again felt good, although no better than yesterday.

Rain is forecast for LA on Saturday which is the only thing worse than getting Swine Flu from the recirculated air from the airplane. The ticket is nonrefundable so some higher power might really wanna fuck with me. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Click on over to our rival Glider Bison blog where Sam somehow managed to beat cycling legend Lance Armstrong in a stage of a race in New Meixco today!