"We are better than the last eight years"

Back to politics:

I just got done feeding myself an IV of Springsteen songs, sickly synchronized placards, neatly vetted racial quotas of on-the-verge-of-tears delegates, and re-hashed, re-garbled and regurgitated taglines about "the people", "ordinary Americans" "those who serve with honor" and more.

That's right, it was the Democratic National Convention, held this past week in the mile high city of Denver, CO, home to the Denver Broncos and Garrett Stiles' failing coronary valves.

To be totally honest, despite my interest in electoral politics, I've never watched much of a convention, mainly because they occur during bad times for me during the summer so I was able to really sink my teeth into this one. First off, there was a lot of concern that Hillary Clinton and Bill would let their egos cause a divided party and lead to disunity at the convention. This did not happen. Both of the Clintons speeches were awesome, the best I have EVER seen Hillary.

Here is Hillary:


And here is Bill:


I didn't think Joe Biden's speech was particularly amazing, but I'm west coast leftie tree/nut hugging hippie so his meat and potatoes appeal to the heartland swing state approach might be awesome.

Hands down though, my man, MY MOTHERFUCKING HOMIE, the Napoleon Complex himself, Ohio Democratic Congressman Dennis J. Kucinich proved why I would voluntarily clean his colon out if he asked with his speech at the convention, tearing the house down at his shitty midday spot:

I beg you, if you watch nothing else from this post, give 5:50 of your time to watch this:


and lastly, Obama rocked the house on the last night, the epic scene (along with that super tacky faux-greek backdrop) in the stadium was pretty majestic, and the speech was good too.

It's here if you desire:


On the Republican side, they must have been SHITTING THEIR PANTS after such a good convention, but McCain is a wily old fuck and he pulled a rabbit out of his hat with his running mate choice of Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, a relative political unknown who satiates the evangelical base with her super terrifying (christian conservative) views and polishes his image as a "maverick" because she has a vagina. Too bad Ol' Johnny made his decision at 2 a.m. after his senility drugs wore off and clearly didn't do a goddam bit of background checks. It has now come out that Palin's 17 year old daughter is pregnant, she is under an ethics investigation in Alaska, she makes moose and caribou stew (okay that sounds like something I'd be into) and she was nicknamed "Barracuda" for her tenacious play as a high school point guard in Wasilla, the town of just over 9,000 people that was her sole elected experience prior to that whole governor thing. Nonetheless, Palin, should she survive these early attacks, could prove to be a huge asset to McCain and make him look like genius. OR America might not want someone who was playing flute and going to PTA meetings a few years ago being a weak, 72 year-old, cancer-surviving heartbeat from the presidency. Then again, she might be a superhero.

Actually, I think "Saturday Night Live" is behind all of this, because Sarah Palin is actually Tina Fey!

And lastly I think it's funny that when writing the word "facebook" in Facebook, their spell editor tells you to correct it.

p.s. Stay tuned to GliderBison blog for Sam's reflections on Burning Man, which based on our conversation this afternoon, singed his mind.

I wasn't dead, only hibernating

Dear Readers,

Drew has made an apology of epic proportions for not blogging. A woman was at fault. I will make no such apologies for women can't change me from living my natural earthly rhythms.

Let's talk some more about natural earthly rhythms.

Hibernation is very normal, many animals do it and there is even a biblical imperative to farmers to let their croplands lay fallow once every seven years. This rejuvenation and replenishment through rest is highly essential for productivity and also my end goal of living forever so I can laugh at everyone else's inexorable decay until I am sad, alone and only friends with my xbox 360,000 (those graphics are about to be siiiiiick boyeeeeeeeeeee).

Therefore, I make no apologies for the blogging break, last time I checked there were plenty of other blogs that people could receive basic sustenance from in the lull of Monstro blogging.

It appears that while I've been in the mountains, Israel and the post-Martian landscape that is my brain the Olympis happened (China is a weird place), Obama chose an old white man from delegate-rich Delaware to shore up his supposedly weak foreign policy credentials and the A's suck really bad this year. Hibernation was good.

It's also nice to be back and blogging again.

Litigator? I hardly know her!

This news story is absolutely nightmarish. I can't even imagine how this went down...

Brian Wilson in Portland, OR

Take back that last post about STP. I am broke. No money in the account for going to Boise. I am, however, gonna see a show in my own back yard.

Yes my friends, I am finally going to bask in the sad glory that is Brian Wilson. He and his fantastic band are touring behind his *new* album That Lucky Old Sun. Early tour reviews indicate we will also get to hear plenty of classic material from his Beach Boys and solo catalogs.

I am excited. So so so excited.